Countering Rachel's Counter and That Feel, Bro

Hello again, some-funny-insulting-sounding-list-of-things-that-make-you-human!

I am countering Rachel's counter!

Yo, Dawg, we heard you like counters.

I feel that the reasons why I am old are completely valid and the reasons Rachel is old are based completely on ridiculous things.

Also, those drink glasses had wobbly legs.

Reason 1 on how Rachel was old was how she has backpain. Yeah? Well I have severe ankle pain and every morning when I wake up the whole right side of my body is numb. Therefor, if pain and aches were an indication of age, I am older than you!

Reason 2 on how Rachel was old was how she drinks a lot of hot tea. Well, bitch, I have a tea pot just for heating up water for tea! I have a whole Tupperware container, those huge ass ones, filled with at least twenty different types of tea!

The ultimate tea slut is Lady Grey. What. A. Whore.

Reason 3 on how Rachel was old was how she rationalized topics. Sweetheart, hate the break it to you, but I've been doing that for years. Ain't called getting old, s'called getting mature.

We are all sad for you on that one.

QED.

"Have you ever been so happy to be holding an animal that your heart grows ten times its size that day and for some reason you can't contain it and your brain tells you the only way to truly show your affection is by crushing its body with your hug? This goes for people, too."

That Feel, Bro and I'm Old

Greetings creatures with advanced thought beyond that of animals!

Kelsey here. Today's post is a regular post, but, fear not! Because I am also giving you a That Feel, Bro at the end!

Because I care about you, reader.

First off: I turn 20 at the end of this month. I can feel the 29th looming over my head, cackling evilly as it reminds me of my impending age with a steady stream of taunts. Everyone tells me I am not turning old, but that date offers a differing...more terrifying...more depressing opinion.

Look at it. It smiles, malice upon it's smug face. Douche.

So, I have noticed signs of my old age. I have noted each of them with barely concealed grimaces of horror, but they are noted all the same.

1. I drink coffee almost every afternoon, much like my mother did.


Yes, Muon's Questers, I drink coffee entirely too much. Coffee, indeed, seems to be the root of many of my old age problems, but I will list them, anyways.

RELEASE ME, FOUL BEAST

2. I tend to pee more now than I used to in high school and early College.

This is vital information, questers! People tell me it is because I have been drinking more coffee, but, dammit, I pee twice during my eight hour shift at work! Twice! This is an obvious sign of my old age and have nothing to do with the fact that I work at Sheetz and get free coffee on my shift!

3. I sit with my mother and chat like a civilized human being, although I live with her.

Anyone who has seen my mother and I together know that we tend to...not get along. We both find each other immature and unbearable, for the most part. However, more and more I find myself making a big cup of coffee and sitting with my mother at the dining room table. Discussing my personality and how proud she is of me and my accomplishments in life. My future plans. Politics, discord, the fate of America. These are all adult topics and, dammit, I WANT NO PART IN IT. I tend to steer the conversation to My Little Pony or the Disney Channel. But...damn it all, she talks to me about it.

STOP MAKING ME MORE ADULT, GAH

4. I got excited for a magazine subscription.

I swear to God, you guys. I got my Psychology Today subscription issue and I about had a heart attack I was so damn happy. Because I'm old.

5. I enjoy time around my older family members, especially my parents.

This. Has. To. Stop.

Stop pretending you're on the Friends cast, life! STOP.

So, there you have it, folks. My life is a coffee induced nightmare of OLD.

Enjoy today's That Feel, Bro!

"You know that feeling where you have a birthday coming up so your mind just goes 'OH FUCK NO I CAN'T BE THIS OLD I'M STILL YOUNG PLEASE GOD TAKE ANYONE BUT ME OH JESUS I AM NOT OLD STOP GETTING OLDER SELF.' "

Okay, not really.

"You know that feeling when you figure out that you actually agree with someone you normally disagree with and then disagree with someone you thought you'd never disagree with?"

Random facts about Kelsey

First off, earthlings, I'd like to begin by saying: Seriously, Rachel, stop posting fucking gnomes. Not cool, bro, not cool.

So, I guess I should post facts about myself. Hrm.

#1- I, Kelsey, work at Sheetz. Sheetz is a gas station/fast food restaurant combined. I both hate and love my job. Mostly hate. Love my coworkers, though!

The joke is that every cloud has its silver lining. 

I'm funny, shush.

#2- I ALSO have two brothers! One works at gamestop, the other is living with and dating a woman 20 years older than him. Her oldest son is only two years younger than he is. BUT we love her, and thats what matters!

#3- My boyfriend isn't real. I have no boyfriend. I have a really bad past with my ex. Thats right. I'M ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. No. But, really. I have a shit ton of friends and we act goofy together. I'll tell stories sometime.

The most useful picture I've found

#4- I do eat fast food. To survive. I am a college kid. I go to community college now, will transfer to psychology in about a year after getting a dual degree in Gened and Communications. Then, I will transfer to a different school to get my degree in Sexual Psychology. Much to my father's chagrin.

#5- I can't walk in heels. Because I'm stupid.

Just like this. This is what I look like.

#6- I just recently met my co-blogger Rachel. I have no idea what shes talking about.

Okay, we've known each other since I was about a 7th grader and she an 8th. I am about to start my third year in college, you do the math. We see each other about once a week, now, because I work weekends. BUT ITS SUMMER NOW.

...Also, where did she find such terrifying pictures?

#7- Rachel is obnoxious. Also, her seventh fact was about me, that doesn't count. Rachel, you owe me another fact!

#8- I have a cat! Her name is Emma. She wakes me every night by clawing my face, knocking my lamp over on my face, sitting on my face, throwing things at my face, pawing at my face. I think she loves me.

#9- Oh, god. I also love swinging. I can remember many a summer day spent at the park swinging with Rachel.

#10- Every day the world gets more infuriatingly empty, more full of malice and disdain for the lesser human beings, as deemed by those in power. This ever lengthening gap in empathy, sympathy, and even the usually present pity is the knife that castrates love and leaves it sterile, the wire that slits a whimpering and begging affection's throat, the scythe that cuts the wheat of logic down before it can even grow. Greed is abundant and all we can do is watch as men in power become more powerful, women in power fall aside, sit quietly, and avoid the limelight to become corrupted further. What has this world come to?

Ha. That took me forever to write. Okay, my tenth fact: My mom just made pizza. Omnomnom.

There, Rachel. Be happy.

This is how I feel today:

I'm tired and sad, Hulk is actually unrelated.

Hulk is always unrelated...

Rachel's post made me sad

Hello, creatures made with various chemicals in such the right degree as to make life possible!

Rachel's last post made me sad.

Why?

Because...

Because.........

Because.............

I'm terrified of gnomes.

This movie is my worst nightmare come true

She knows that, too, and did that on purpose. She knows. And she is terrible.

You may ask why, I, the most wonderful girl on the Bucketsphere would be afraid of Gnomes. And, I may punch you in the face for being impertinent.




So, my mother used to have a small garden around a giant tree in my front yard. In this garden was a lawn gnome. Just a normal gnome, all standing around looking like an ugly badass. Red cap, all that good stuff.  I was about 15. Ah, 15, such a good age. Every night spent at Rachel's house. My Prefrontal Cortex was small and my Amygdale was large...the teenage years were awkward and beautiful. I would come home each night, none the wiser that the Gnomes were planning their assault.


Their evil plan...for revenge.

DUN DUN DUNNNNNN

Each morning, I would wake up, happy and delighted to BE ALIVE. My backpack slug over one shoulder, like the cool cat I was. Walk out to the bus stop at the end of my driveway.

Glance over.

Whats that?

What...whats that?

Wasn't that gnome under the tree yesterday?

Well, its still under the tree today, technically...but wasn't it inside the bricks?

Then the bus would come and I would depart for a wonderful day of learning. The next day, wake up, sing a beautiful song, birds flocking to my shoulders. Look over, smile still fleeting on my lips...

WHY WASN'T THE GNOME UNDER THE TREE ANYMORE. ITS NOT EVEN VAGUELY UNDER THE TREE, ITS NEXT TO THE DRIVEWAY NOW OH GOD WHATS GOING ON.

And then I got on the bus and departed, mentioning to nary a soul of my terrifying discovery.

Each day...each damned day...hell was wrought closer and closer to my safe haven. My only sanctuary was my room, my safety based on the knowledge that gnomes cannot open doors. They are too short to reach the knob, too fat to fit under the door. I was safe.

I was safe...

Until I wasn't.

One fateful morning, the gnome, the evil hoarder of pain and suffering, was staring at me through our front door. His eyes locked with mine and it was over. I was dead. I knew he would stop at nothing to end my life...unless I ended his first.

How do you end the life of Satan's Incarnate?

My end was imminent. I wished my family a good life, whispering goodbye to each friend, saying prayers under my breath. Then, I did all I could do...I went to bed.

I woke the next morning to what I expected. There he was, on my bedside stand.

Staring at me, just like so.

"I hate you," his eyes conveyed.

"I will destroy you," his body seemed to venomously creep out

How did he get in here? I contemplated this while staring straight at the red cap of my killer. This was my last second on Earth. I would miss my family. I hope they would feed my cat. Otherwise she'll just stare accusingly at them.


The gnome crept closer and closer. Each second seemed a lifetime.

And then I remember darkness. When I awoke, I was here. On the Bucketsphere.

I loathe gnomes for what they have done...

And Rachel seriously shouldn't exploit that. Not cool, bro. 

Dreams and why they make no sense.

Hello flesh-bags filled with organs and water. This is Rachel and I'm bored at work so you get a post.

*Cue dramatic pause*...This is the part where you faint in ecstasy.

Most often the dreams that occur while a person is in deep sleep are normal. Like this:

I'm a sheep mother-fucker, baaaah! Go the fuck to sleep.

Other times sleep is like this:

I'm a sheep eating all your women and wearing their eye-masks. Fuck you.

Sometimes dreams are terrifying and involve things like garden gnomes:

I am so much of a gentlemen that when ladies walk by they automatically shed their clothes.

So where is this all headed? Oh yes, to the dream I had last night.

It started out innocently enough. I was on a train, a very specific train.

This train because why the fuck not?

However, I was not headed to Hogwarts. I was on a mission, and just like any normal dream I was this person:

Bad-ass.

Not soon after I recognized who I was, I knew my true purpose in dream life. I had to kill Edward Cullen.

*Note: I would show you a picture of him, but we all still want our eyes, right?

So my purpose in dream life was to kill Edward Cullen and how did I go about doing so? Did I ninja stake him through his sparkling heart? Did I go Cato on his ass and snap his neck? Did I do one thing cool?

The answer is no. 

You want to know what I did? I stalked him through the train cars, and by stalking I mean full on 'don't even give a shit about trying to hide' stalking. Once in a while Edward would turn around to stare at me and you know what I did? I disappeared like a true ninja. 

Oh wait, no I didn't. Instead of hiding or destroying him like a true bad-ass, I did something like this:

You can't see me motherfucker.

Maybe not so surprisingly my plans at hiding did not work. Edward just continued to walk, just ignoring the shit out of me.

You may be asking yourself how the dream ended. Did Rachel vanquish Edward? Did she go to Hogwarts anyway? Did she get less awesome?

Your answer is I woke up, back to the real world, with no dead Edward, no Hogwarts trip, and more awesome than I started out with. My only consolation was explaining the story to my boyfriend who was too confused for his own good.

That Feel, Bro Thursdays: Music

"Have you ever been listening to a song for the first time and suddenly its the best song in the world? So you listen to it a billion times in a row and the next week you're so sick of it that you want to punch something because you can't find a new song to obsess over?"

That Feel, Bro Thursdays (A day late) - Part 2

Is this Kelsey about to post again? I bet you're extremely ecstatic now, right?

Just kidding. This is Rachel, the other blogger. Did I kill your mood? Bet I did.

Here is my contribution to That Feel, Bro Thursdays:

"Have you ever been minding your own business when a cardboard box jumps right at the tender junction where a finger bends, goes samurai on your skin there (shredding it like a paranoid person shreds their business documents), and renders your hand useless for the rest of the day? And you cry like a bitch because a cardboard cut is equivalent to Satan licking your skin?"

That Feel, Bro Thursdays (A day late)

Kelsey here, yet again, carbon based lifeforms.

We have themes at Muon's Quest to Penetrate the Bucketsphere, now!

Tyler Tuesdays!
Regular ol' Wednesdays!
That Feel, Bro Thursdays!
Hot Topic Fridays!
Dic's With Rachel and Kelsey Sundays!

A note: Regular ol' Wednesdays will feature IM Backlogs, no matter what the post. If we post a normal post outside those days, then it will not feature. Normal posts can be any day.

We won't post everyday, obviously, but expect on those days to fit the theme. We missed yesterday, so here is today's That Feel, Bro!

"Have you ever had to pee so bad that you almost pee yourself taking off your pants and then you barely pee at all and you're kinda disappointed in your bladder for being an underachiever?"

Driving like a sir

Kelsey speaking, here, meat-creatures!

Two things for today's post.

The first? I am drinking grape juice from a large funnel cup like a sir.

The second? I am super excited for summer. No, summer is not a beautiful woman that I've fallen in love with. Summer is, of course, the season!

Not only did I buy plants I'm excited to plant (remind me to tell about my tea obsession). But, I am excited for warm evenings spent driving around with Rachel.

Ever since Rachel has started driving, we have been aimlessly cruising around town. Typically we actually have a purpose, originally, and then end up driving around to nowhere. We've had some adventures in her car, certainly. A trip to a small town in Maryland that freaked us both out. Almost dying in backwoods West Virginia. We've had fun and its the reason why I look forward to the summer.

To be frank, I think being in her car is the reason we became so close. We would head out to the mall or to Wal-Mart and on our way home she would take a random road and we would just talk. Some nights for hours. Every problem we were having, everything we've probably ever thought, on my part at least, was revealed at one point or another. I'm sure Rachel is more secretive than me, but still. She tells me things I don't think she tells other people. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY, RACHEL.

So, when we aren't throwing up our hearts and rainbows, what do we do? Typically we cause problems to pedestrians. Thats right. We roll down our windows (and, for the record, I consider her passenger seat my side of her car) and we SCREAM things at people.

Last summer we spent a whole night yelling "BONER" in varying degrees of voice infliction.

Just imagine, you're walking down the street and from your side you hear "BONER. BOOOOOONER. BONER? Boner!" How would you feel? Hopefully you'd feel elated. Maybe a little bit weird in your private parts. Its okay. We give that effect to people.

Most nights Rachel yells random inappropriate things, but I take a classier approach. I try holding conversations. I will ask people, while speeding by at 30 mph, how they are. Where are they going? I hope they get there safely.

I'm there for you, pedestrians. I love you. Will....will you marry me, pedestrians?

Rachel hates when I yell things when we have to stop at red lights. One afternoon, we pulled up next to another car turning left while we were going straight. She had HUGE shiny earrings on. So, being the polite motherfucker I am, I said "I like your earrings!". Startled, this woman looks over, sees the light change, and as shes turning utters a shy "Th...thank you!" and smiles.

That was a good day.

I love yelling things. Rachel's boyfriend doesn't seem to understand, but its a lot of fun. I'm shy, normally, and Rachel is the outgoing one. But, when it comes to screaming things out of the window while speeding by the shadier neighborhoods, I am much more willing than she is.

If I get shot though, I'm haunting her ass. Just cause.

So, Earthlings, we here at Muon's Quest to Penetrate the Bucketsphere give you some penetration of our own.

We are penetrating your MIND with this awesome IM backlog. Warning: Severe Language.

Kelsey (1:27:45 PM):    http://www.thehushradar.com/product.php?productid=21&cat=1&page=1
Kelsey (1:27:50 PM):    THEY ARE SOCKS WITH MOTHERFUCKING CAPES
Kelsey (1:27:54 PM):    ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THIS SHIT
Kelsey (1:27:56 PM):    MOTHER
Kelsey (1:27:59 PM):    FUCKING
Kelsey (1:28:04 PM):    CAPE-ED SOCKS
Kelsey (1:28:09 PM):    FOR YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FEER
Kelsey (1:28:12 PM):    FEET
Kelsey (1:28:15 PM):    fuck
Kelsey (1:28:19 PM):    SO YOU CAN FUCKING FLY
Kelsey (1:28:28 PM):    MOTHERFUCKING FLY, DO YOU HEAR ME?
Kelsey (1:28:50 PM):    LIKE IF YOU WERE LIKE "FUCK THIS SHIT, IM OUTTA HERE" YOU WOULD STRAP ON THESE COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SOCKS WITH GODDAMN CAPES ON THEM
Kelsey (1:28:51 PM):    AND FLY
Kelsey (1:28:52 PM):    THE FUCK
Kelsey (1:28:53 PM):    AWAY
Kelsey (1:29:21 PM):    IF YOUR FEET WERE FUCKING COLD
Kelsey (1:29:35 PM):    YOU'D PUT THESE FUCKING BADBOYS ON, LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS, BUT BE WARM AS FUCK
Kelsey (1:29:38 PM):    BECAUSE THEY SOCKS WOULD GO
Kelsey (1:29:48 PM):    HAVE NO FUCKING FEAR, YOU PANSY FUCKING ASS, BATMAN IS HERE
Kelsey (1:29:51 PM):    WITH HIS FUCKING CAPE
Kelsey (1:29:52 PM):    WITH HIS FUCKING CAPE MAKE
Kelsey (1:29:59 PM):    TO MAKE
Kelsey (1:30:05 PM):    TO MAKE SHIT BETTER
Kelsey (1:30:15 PM):    TO MAKE SHIT BETTER
Rachel (3:19:53 PM):    Excuse me? Have you recently started a regimen on new drugs?
Rachel (3:20:05 PM):    *of
Kelsey (7:16:03 PM):    Yes
Kelsey (7:16:09 PM):    Also, whoa
Kelsey (7:16:11 PM):    You're on aim
Kelsey (7:16:16 PM):    Did you stay late at work?
Rachel (7:19:10 PM):    i have never washed my fat hairy ass
Kelsey (7:19:19 PM):    Well this I know
Rachel (7:19:29 PM):    That was my dad.
Kelsey (7:19:35 PM):    Hello, sir!
Rachel (7:19:47 PM):    What is up?
Kelsey (7:19:55 PM):    I just told you
Rachel (7:20:26 PM):    I'm bakin cookies

FIRST

Greetings, Earthlings!

Welcome to Muon's Quest to Penetrate the Bucketsphere.

This blog is owned and operated by two of the weirdest, strangest, most obnoxiously awesome, and wonderful girls anyone could ever know.

Rachel and I have known each other for a shit-long time. Rachel works as a secretary at a place and I work as a cashier at a place. We both work at places! We both complain about those places! We both complain about each other! We both complain!

We get along, really.

Except when we don't, which is always.

Rachel and I are just two girls trying to make it in this world, annoying as many people along the way as we can. We have been best friends for a while and will probably someday get married. 

We have had this blog for a while and have done nothing with it.

The process for the name was an interesting one. We literally opened the dictionary to random pages, picked a word, wrote it down, and compiled a name from our favorite words chosen. Hopefully, in the future, you, the earth bound reader, will get to see some fun posts from us. We want everyone to know that we can be funny. Really! We can!

Okay, not really. But, we can be weird, and that passes as funny.

So, thanks for any interest in our blog. We hope to provide with what passes for good posts soon. In the meantime, enjoy this story about a unicorn written by Rachel!

"Once upon a time there was a little unicorn named Lafeyette, he was a pretty little unicorn, almost like a little girl...ahem, anyway, the little unicorn was pale pink with a rainbow horn and he loved to frolick through the flowers. They had to be daisies of course, nothing else. So the little unicorn while dancing through the flowers one day spies something shiny among the many white flowers and yellow flowers. He prances over to it and with a gasp he sees a tiny tiny little gold pebble. He reaches down to pick up the pebble, a smile lighting up his gay little face when suddenly an explosion happens behind him. The poor boy jumps into the air and screams, or honks, or unicorns, or something and faints dead away. Because he is a pansy....as I was saying, he fainted and awoke several hours later. His eyes took some time to adjust to the dim light in a wet place. To his horror it was a cave. Yes he was afraid of caves. I digress though...afraid of caves though he was, he still stood up stiffly on his 4 unicorn hooves and he wobbled over to the opening where sunlight pooled. He was high up on a cliff and he started crying, "oh how will I ever get down from here! I want my mama!" Little did he know that his mother did not want him....poor little unicorn...once reality of his situation set in, he killed himself by ramming repeatedly into the wall harshly. His internal organs, mainly his pancreas, ruptured and he bleed profusely from all areas. It was a bloody and painful death. And it was all because he was a pink unicorn. THE END."