Its been like four months

Hallo!

No, that is not terrible spelling. That is the German word for hello! True fact! I assume!

This is Kelsey, for those of you interested!

To start off...Rachel, what delightful posts you have created in the past. I especially enjoy this one and will follow suit with randomicityoscity.

I have 20 of these. I line them up and make a bed.

Eventually we will do a hot topic Friday. But, for today, I will follow Rachel's lead and format!

Random Topic #1: Five Random Facts About Myself 

1. I am currently going to college for my third year of failing horribly.

This is what college students do not look like. They aren't tired enough.

2. I am attempting to reread books from when I was 14 and also failing horribly.

These books are amazingly well written but are BORING TO A 20 YEAR OLD.

3. I can cook, actually, just never do because my mom is better.

My favorite food.

4. I dyed my hair blonde recently, yes, and it came out more orangish.

Its this exact color.

5. I am currently starving.

this is all I want right now. omgomgomg.

Random Topic #2: Five Random Facts about Rachel

 
 1. Rachel is freakishly tall and needs to stop it. Her bf, however, is taller and I hate them both.

2. She recently cut her hair after dying it black.

She looks like this, only she is white.

3. Rachel never gets angry in real life but is a very angry driver.

She yells at these things as if they can hear her and move.

 4. When we were in middle school she ignored me in the hallways. I forgive her.

5. We used to be really into Naruto and she spent like three days at my house watching it with me.

Random Topic #3: Idiots treating me like dirt at my job

 You can't go wrong with a job theme! I work at a convenience store gas station fast food kinda thing place thing. Idiots think this gives them the right to treat me like dirt. Rachel has a real job so doesn't always understand, but it kinda sucks. I stand there for 6 hours without a break because I'm the bottom of the food chain for breaks and some idiot wants to come complain at me about something stupid like our company changing our coffee creamers? I don't give a fuck! Then some dicks like to bark orders at me like I'm their slave.

Me: "Hi, how are you, sir!"

Fucktard: "GIVE ME TWO PALLMALL ORANGE 100S". 

Me: "Thats a really specific thing to be today, sir!"

Recently an old man came in and asked me for a carton of Winston Gold 100's. I moved our cigarette cases around because our cartons are right behind them.  We had five cartons of Gold Shorts, but no 100's, so I asked the man to wait for just a second while I check in the back. Eureka! There was a goldmine of Gold 100's back there and I happily brought him his carton. Only to find him glaring meanly at me and being snarky. I politily asked him what the problem was and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is there a problem, sir?

Dickface: Yeah, there is. You wasted my time running to the back to get these fucking cigarettes when there are five cartons of them right fucking there!

Me: I'm sorry, sir, but those are not 100's, those are shorts. You asked me for 100's.

Dickface: I'm not fucking blind, I've smoked these my whole life. Those are fucking 100's and you wasted my time. Look, they are right there!

Me: Sir, I am looking. I'm sorry I wasted your time, but those are definitely the shorts.

Dickface: Whatever, learn to do your fucking job.

Manager: Whats the problem, sir?

Dickface: This little girl wasted my time going in the back to get Winston Gold 100's when they are right fucking there is the problem! You need to hire people that actually fucking look.

Manager: Sir, those are the shorts. Here, let me show you. We don't have any 100's stocked out here currently, only shorts.

Dickface: I've smoked these my whole life!

And then he walked away grumbling. This kinda thing happens every time I work. Cigarettes are bad kids, mkay?

WHOOPS BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS.

Random Topic #4: Fucking Mitt Romney

No. Just no. Ugh. NO.

 Random Topic #5: Better Hotties of the Week

1. Nicki Minaj

2. Emma Stone

3. Emma Watson

4. Dianna Agron

 5. Anne Hathaway

Random Topic #6: My Plans for the Future

Welp. This one is simple. I plan on finishing up a short story for a Christmas Gift, doing school stuff, and rewriting Character Analysis on my DNA Resister Characters. Thats a book I am writing, you guys. Hopefully, with Rachel's permission, I can post some of the character outlines, short entries about them, and even some of the book's first and second chapter.

I'm whipped though, so I need her permission.

And that's all, folks! Thanks for reading!

Random Quote Time!

My marvelous readers!

Not Rachel's readers, fuck you guys.

MY marvelous readers! Today I will present to you a random quote with absolutely no background context!


"Hitler is to Mustache as Burt Reynolds is to Mustache."

Now lets see that as a helpful chart!

Hitler:Mustache :: Burt Reynolds:Mustache

There you have it, folks.

Douchist thing ever.

So, Rachel and I, it seems lately, have been talking a lot about our high school days. More specifically, our bus riding days.

EVERY. DAY.

Rachel graduated and ABANDONED EVERYONE THAT LOVED HER a year ahead of me. But, unlike most juniors and seniors, we never stopped riding the bus. Why waste gas money? Plus, we had a good time on that bus.

We were like queens of that bus, really. We ruled over all the puny middle schoolers. It kills my soul to know that they are probably all in high school, now, because we've been out of school a very long time. Like, three whole years for her, two for me.

This show was high as we were.

We sat in the very back. Thats obviously where the cool kids sit. And I remember we had like a little group back there of friends. And we were ridiculous. Most of mine and Rachel's inside jokes probably come from there.

Although, according to her, I am not on the cool side and cut over. Skank.

So, thats where that above quote came from. We were most likely high our whole bus riding experience.

Like this.

Random facts about Kelsey

First off, earthlings, I'd like to begin by saying: Seriously, Rachel, stop posting fucking gnomes. Not cool, bro, not cool.

So, I guess I should post facts about myself. Hrm.

#1- I, Kelsey, work at Sheetz. Sheetz is a gas station/fast food restaurant combined. I both hate and love my job. Mostly hate. Love my coworkers, though!

The joke is that every cloud has its silver lining. 

I'm funny, shush.

#2- I ALSO have two brothers! One works at gamestop, the other is living with and dating a woman 20 years older than him. Her oldest son is only two years younger than he is. BUT we love her, and thats what matters!

#3- My boyfriend isn't real. I have no boyfriend. I have a really bad past with my ex. Thats right. I'M ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. No. But, really. I have a shit ton of friends and we act goofy together. I'll tell stories sometime.

The most useful picture I've found

#4- I do eat fast food. To survive. I am a college kid. I go to community college now, will transfer to psychology in about a year after getting a dual degree in Gened and Communications. Then, I will transfer to a different school to get my degree in Sexual Psychology. Much to my father's chagrin.

#5- I can't walk in heels. Because I'm stupid.

Just like this. This is what I look like.

#6- I just recently met my co-blogger Rachel. I have no idea what shes talking about.

Okay, we've known each other since I was about a 7th grader and she an 8th. I am about to start my third year in college, you do the math. We see each other about once a week, now, because I work weekends. BUT ITS SUMMER NOW.

...Also, where did she find such terrifying pictures?

#7- Rachel is obnoxious. Also, her seventh fact was about me, that doesn't count. Rachel, you owe me another fact!

#8- I have a cat! Her name is Emma. She wakes me every night by clawing my face, knocking my lamp over on my face, sitting on my face, throwing things at my face, pawing at my face. I think she loves me.

#9- Oh, god. I also love swinging. I can remember many a summer day spent at the park swinging with Rachel.

#10- Every day the world gets more infuriatingly empty, more full of malice and disdain for the lesser human beings, as deemed by those in power. This ever lengthening gap in empathy, sympathy, and even the usually present pity is the knife that castrates love and leaves it sterile, the wire that slits a whimpering and begging affection's throat, the scythe that cuts the wheat of logic down before it can even grow. Greed is abundant and all we can do is watch as men in power become more powerful, women in power fall aside, sit quietly, and avoid the limelight to become corrupted further. What has this world come to?

Ha. That took me forever to write. Okay, my tenth fact: My mom just made pizza. Omnomnom.

There, Rachel. Be happy.

This is how I feel today:

I'm tired and sad, Hulk is actually unrelated.

Hulk is always unrelated...

That Feel, Bro Thursdays - Rachel

First of all, everyone stop your applauding. I know I'm awesome.

Stop it. I mean it.

Second of all, Kelsey's last post about gnomes was hilarious.

She is just jealous that she doesn't have a legitimate fear on me.

Except this:

 I will eat your family mother-fucker...from the inside out. There is nothing you can do about it. Fuck you.

However, I feel this is not a fear she can use on me because no one likes spiders.

Not her. Not you. Not anyone. 

What's that? You say you like spiders. Do you? You're lying.

The only person who likes spiders is Cthulhu...

*Note*: Water is strategically placed to hide his massive, terror-inducing junk.

He eats them for breakfast. 

Anyway, I've gone way off topic. This is a 'That Feel, Bro' post. Let's get to it.

"Do you know that feeling you get when you're driving on the interstate and some asshole starts riding your ass (when you're already going 5-10 over) and they zip around you only to immediately swerve in front of you (so you have to slam on your breaks on the damn interstate) and then they get off at an exit literally two seconds later? And all you want to do is slam them like:

 I eat crazy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Bro, you feel me?"