Dreams and why they make no sense.

Hello flesh-bags filled with organs and water. This is Rachel and I'm bored at work so you get a post.

*Cue dramatic pause*...This is the part where you faint in ecstasy.

Most often the dreams that occur while a person is in deep sleep are normal. Like this:

I'm a sheep mother-fucker, baaaah! Go the fuck to sleep.

Other times sleep is like this:

I'm a sheep eating all your women and wearing their eye-masks. Fuck you.

Sometimes dreams are terrifying and involve things like garden gnomes:

I am so much of a gentlemen that when ladies walk by they automatically shed their clothes.

So where is this all headed? Oh yes, to the dream I had last night.

It started out innocently enough. I was on a train, a very specific train.

This train because why the fuck not?

However, I was not headed to Hogwarts. I was on a mission, and just like any normal dream I was this person:

Bad-ass.

Not soon after I recognized who I was, I knew my true purpose in dream life. I had to kill Edward Cullen.

*Note: I would show you a picture of him, but we all still want our eyes, right?

So my purpose in dream life was to kill Edward Cullen and how did I go about doing so? Did I ninja stake him through his sparkling heart? Did I go Cato on his ass and snap his neck? Did I do one thing cool?

The answer is no. 

You want to know what I did? I stalked him through the train cars, and by stalking I mean full on 'don't even give a shit about trying to hide' stalking. Once in a while Edward would turn around to stare at me and you know what I did? I disappeared like a true ninja. 

Oh wait, no I didn't. Instead of hiding or destroying him like a true bad-ass, I did something like this:

You can't see me motherfucker.

Maybe not so surprisingly my plans at hiding did not work. Edward just continued to walk, just ignoring the shit out of me.

You may be asking yourself how the dream ended. Did Rachel vanquish Edward? Did she go to Hogwarts anyway? Did she get less awesome?

Your answer is I woke up, back to the real world, with no dead Edward, no Hogwarts trip, and more awesome than I started out with. My only consolation was explaining the story to my boyfriend who was too confused for his own good.