Friday, September 20, 2013

Lady, seriously...

It is with utmost pleasure that I inform the Bucketsphere of Kelsey's complete foolishness. Yes, indeed.

Kelsey, your previous post really, truly, etc. makes me not give two flying monkey poos about Doctor Who. Your description makes it sound so incredibly boring and ridiculous that I'd sooner shoot myself in the eye with semen. That shit hurts like a mother.  

Strong female characters? Eh, who cares. I don't watch shows for the supporting characters....usually. Penelope Garcia is an exception, but even without her I'd have Derek Morgan so....

Holy shit, yes!

And Spencer Reid...

Fuck yes.

Yes, Rachel gives absolutely no fucks about female cast members.

And you like Star Trek? As in, not just the movie with Benedict 'Unfortunately Named' Cumberbatch?

Is it because of Chris Pine?

Can we get a fire extinguisher in here?

Because he is a total sex-pot. As was William in the day.


But I'm partial to...

Because I LOVE both of them to the extreme.

And for the record Kelsey. This is the vast Khan difference:

Take off your shirt Benedict. We need to compare pectorals.

Let the record show that Rachel officially (having re-watched Into Darkness about 10 times) kind of supports the Benedict Cumberbatch 'Khan'. He did better than I expected, although I'm still disappointed he wasn't half-naked, bronzed, and Hispanic.

*Sigh* Ricardo Montalban...


Two Weeks With Love (1950) - a movie where Jane Powell (lady above) become infatuated with Ricardo Montalban (also above) and is pissed because she cannot yet wear a corset (such a baby!). So she whines and cries and drops the 'stop treating me like a child' card until daddy buys her one. But her daddy is an idiot and buys a corrective corset thus causing her to get locked into an uncomfortable position. And then she can't breath. It really is good fun for all. 

Moral of the story? "If you whine enough for something it will come true, yet it will make karma kick your ass".

Speaking of old movies (were we really?) I have an extreme itch to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers again. Also staring Jane Powell. This sexy movie is about Jane marrying a man, actor Howard Keel. 

This man. His singing voice is God. (This is from Calamity Jane). Tyler.

There. Look at that mustache. 

He needs himself a wife to tend to the house and take care of his six brothers (mostly named for Bible characters).

Let me just list the names of these characters because Jesus:

Main man - Adam
Main woman - Milly
Brother #1 - Benjamin
Brother #2 - Gideon
Brother #3 - Frank
Brother #4 - Caleb
Brother #5 - Daniel
Brother #6 - Ephraim
Kidnapped Woman #1 - Dorcas
Kidnapped Woman #2 - Alice
Kidnapped Woman #3 - Sarah
Kidnapped Woman #4 - Liza
Kidnapped Woman #5 - Ruth
Kidnapped Woman #6 - Martha

FUCKING BEAUTIFUL NAMES. Here are the brothers:

The sex.

When his brothers see what those weird women-folk can do, they want to get married too. So they clean up and go to a spring/summer picnic-dance thing. 

 
Everyone does this at picnics, right?

Well, those boys are smitten from the start. So they do what any respectable smitten man would do. They start courting those lovely ladies.

These ladies.

Oh wait, no. They kidnap them from the safety of their homes in the dead of night. And since it's winter, the pass leading to their house caves in with snow. Thus these poor, kidnapped women are forced to stay until the snow starts to melt in spring.

But no worries, this story has a happy ending. All of those kidnappers get tried and hanged.

Oh, wait again. I'm sorry. Let me correct myself. The women fall deeply in love with their choice of kidnapper and they have a mass wedding.


STOCKHOLM SYNDROME...anyone?

The moral of the story? "Women are objects and will marry you if you hold them hostage long enough".
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Back from my tangent:

Kelsey, your car sounds extremely unhealthy. Win the lottery and buy a new one.
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I'll have to find the drawings again. But I assure you that I'll post them if I remember.
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A guinea chin is a chinchilla and guinea pig. I'M NOT VERY CREATIVE! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!
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