Tumblr Annoyances

Not so long ago I, Rachel, finally decided to make a Tumblr. This decision may be the best and simultaneously worst decision of my life. 

Tumblr has a way of drawing you in, capturing your soul, and making you obsessed. Which is fine and dandy when you have the time; however, I do not. But most of the people are absolutely lovely and would totally be my besties in non-internet world.

On the completely falling-down-hill side of things, some people are fucking terribly annoying. Like literally some of the worst people in the world frequent Tumblr. I have found that it is physically impossible to avoid all of the vomit-inducing nonsense.

Without trying to be an ass, but completely being an ass, here are my Tumblr annoyances that make me want to scream.

#1 - People who are so absolutely obsessed with a ship that they have most certainly lost touch with reality.

How to know if you are one of these people: do you constantly scream that your ship is canon without actual proof that it is canon? Do you point out every single little glance, hug, gesture of kindness, and word between characters in the show/movie/etc. as proof that OMG CANON (Like *squeal* Becky, John just looked at Sherlock while Sherlock was looking at him. SEE! TOTALLY CANON!...because eye-contact is not allowed unless you are DTF) (OMG! Jessica! OMG! Dean just told Castiel that he likes hot-dogs! Hot-dogs! You get it? He's referring to penis! He wants Castiel's penis!!! So canon!...because all food is a reference to sex of some sort. Hot-dogs? Penis. Pie? Vagina. Corn? Hand job.)? Do you bash other ships because LIKE NO WAY JOSE. THEY ARE DISGUSTING TOGETHER. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

If you do any of the above, kindly fuck off into the hottest volcano. You are truly an annoyance. A fucking smile does not mean canon. A fucking hug does not mean canon. You know what means canon? If the fucking writers have your ship fucking and get together. That's fucking canon.

I follow, and regret everyday and would totally no-fuck-off if they didn't post good things too, two girls - one who ships Sherlolly, the other Johnlock. The Sherlolly one gets so irrationally mad when Johnlock posts are made because MOLLY IS PERFECT FOR SHERLOCK, LOOK AT THEIR CHEMISTRY. When people call her out for her obvious hate (as in, she tags #Johnlock in anti-Johnlock posts) she cries foul and probably fucks herself with her Sherlolly dildo because JOHNLOCK COULD NEVER BE CANON OR EVEN APPRECIATED BY ANYONE. FUCK YOU! SHERLOLLY FTW. The other girl, who is 15 and probably shouldn't be on Tumblr anyway, posted about her dream of Johnlock being canon and then waking up and crying. Yes, she apparently cried because her dream of canon was a dream. Then she proceeded to post for like 3 days how torn-up and depressed and crying she was that the dream wasn't real. GET SOME FUCKING HELP YOU FUCKING TWAT-WAFFLE.

Here's a note: if you are so obsessed with a ship that you get raging anger or depression you need help. Because that shit is not normal and fucking annoying. 

Also to be perfectly honest, Sherlolly chemistry? He fucking uses her all the fucking time because he knows she likes him. That's taking advantage. I love a good Sherlolly but come on. And to be fair, I love a good Johnlock, Mystrade, Donlock, Jollock (or whatever it's termed now), Mystrea, and Sherstrade too. It is possible to like multiple ships and not be fucking insane. 

#2 - People who have such an attachment to a ship or show/movie/etc. that they are in emotional/physical pain when something goes wrong. Which follows up with #1.

I follow someone - someone I very well may unfollow soon for their sheer fucking ugh - who, after last nights Supernatural season finale flipped her fucking lid because Destiel did not become canon. That's enough to make me want to gouge my eyes out right there, but no, she was so angry that her hash-tags were literally fucking threats to the creators/writers of the show. How fucking pathetic do you have to be to be so obsessed with a fucking ship that it not becoming canon emotionally and "physically" hurts you and angers you to the point of threatening people?

#3 - Ship Wars

Simply put, Ship Wars are when people flip the fuck out over who is the most perfect couple in a series/movie/book/etc. 

Just stop it. Yes, I'm talking to you Sherlolly vs. Johnlock peeps and Destiel vs. Wincest peeps. Get a fucking life and respect each other. People are allowed to have ships that don't agree with yours. People are allowed to politely debate why they think their ship is more canon. You do not need to go ape-shit over people for not agreeing with you. You respect. You fucking herpes blisters. 

And at the end of it all, if Johnlock, Sherlolly, Destiel, or Wincest becomes canon we can all be calm fuckers and not flip out. The "winning" shippers can not be fucking told-you-so asses, and the "losers" can not be whiny fuckers.

Seriously. Grow up.

#4 - Overzealous feminists

Feminists can be some of the most annoying people on the planet. I don't care how that makes me sound. 

First off, if you are a feminist and have misandry tagged, in your name, or in your about I will automatically assume you are shit and take nothing you say seriously. BUT MEN PRACTICE MISOGYNY ALL THE TIME. Yes, because fighting fire with fire is the adult thing to do. I'LL USE MISANDRY UNTIL MISOGYNY IS HISTORY! Yes, be the bigger woman. Post constantly about men being evil and horrid and a plague on the world. That will show everyone how awesome feminists are.

Which brings me to the often used NOT ALL MEN bullshit. I know this is unpopular but I hate it. If you are ranting about how 425 gazillion % of men are currently raping women and a guy shouts HEY NOT ALL MEN DO THAT. Do not be a fucking AIDS-infected cunt and bash that man for pointing out that not all men are in fact rapists. BUT HE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON MY FEMINIST POST AND NOT HOW HE FEELS. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEMSELVES?!!! Oh go fuck yourself with the rustiest metal dildo in the world. There are plenty of feminist losers (note: I'm only talking about some, not all! *boo-hoo-hoo* Lest the feminists scream HEY NOT ALL FEMINISTS ARE LIKE THAT) out there who do indeed promote the lies that all men are just rapists in waiting. That women should be 1000% afraid of every man, including their fathers, brothers, and friends. There is nothing wrong with a man being offended by a post lumping all men together. After all, part of feminism comes from the fact that people (usually men) were throwing ALL WOMEN around.

URGH. I can be 100% for feminism AND 100% anti-rape, while still getting pissed that you are lumping all of a group together. Isn't that what you're fucking opposed to the in the first place? People lumping you together over stupid shit? Isn't this the base of feminism in the first place? People making blanket statements like ALL WOMEN COOK, ALL WOMEN CLEAN, ALL WOMEN HAVE BABIES AND STAY HOME, ALL WOMEN FUCKING RAGE DURING THEIR PERIOD, ETC, ETC, ETC.


I fucking hate the 'not all men' bullshit. If you want to post HEY, STOP CALLING ALL MEN FUCKING RAPISTS. IT SOUNDS STUPID. You do so. Any feminist who disagrees can fucking fall in a hole and wither away into nothing because they are getting mad that a man would dare take offense to stupid blanket statements, SOMETHING THAT WOMEN THEMSELVES HAVE BEEN MAD ABOUT FOR ALL OF TIME.

Once again, unpopular opinion but I don't care.

#5 - People who hate a group for no reason.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT SEX YOU ARE, YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT GENDER YOU ARE, YOU CANNOT CONTROL WHO YOU LIKE OR ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO, YOU CANNOT CONTROL THESE THINGS.

Why is this hard? No one should be hated for fighting to be accepted. No one should be hated for being trans, or being gay, or being asexual. But on the flip-side no one should be hated for being none of those things. 

I saw a post yesterday from a 16 year old who wished to kill a cis-person by cutting off their hands and excitedly watch them bleed to death (speculation on whether this was supposed to be a joke post giving the opposite of trans-phobic violence). That's it. They wanted to kill someone just for identifying with who they were born as. What the fuck? How can a trans-person strive for acceptance and turn around and spout hate.

I am a female. I was born a female. I am cis. I cannot help being cis. If I am going to help made strides in acceptance for trans I expect the same respect that trans people want.

Or the straight people are so pathetic posts. Ugh.

Once again. Same thing. Some people are heterosexual and cannot help it. I am bisexual and I cannot help that. People cannot help who they are in this respect.

DO NOT SPREAD HATE. HATE CANNOT FIGHT HATE. IT JUST CAN'T. STOP BELIEVING IT CAN. DO NOT PUNISH OTHERS BY DOING THE SAME THING THEY DO TO YOU. IT WILL NOT GET YOU ANYWHERE.

And I am now fucking done because people are annoying sometimes and I have unpopular opinions that feminists and shippers will battle me to the death on them. Just fuck Tumblr sometimes. Fuck it.

Unpopular Post

I'm going to make a super unpopular post, super quick.

PORN!

I love porn. My boyfriend love's porn. We watch porn. 

Having been on Tumblr long enough to be bombarded by extremist-feminist posts everyday, I can safely say that porn is a no-no in the feminist world.

The sex industry, as we all know, caters to some of the darkest fantasies - whether that be rape, pedophilia, bestiality, etc. For a while now, stories have been appearing about women who were forced into the sex business or women who willingly chose the business only to be met with harassment, rape, and unprofessional business. 

And yes, the thought that such things happen is sickening, thus, we have the movement of women (and some men) who are calling for an end to porn. An end to people purchasing or watching or making porn. An end to porn, that will hopefully bring about changes to rape culture society.

Maybe I'm the bad, evil, anti-feminist, but I see nothing wrong with porn. And I will not call for an end to it or bash people who enjoy it.

OTHER UNPOPULAR POST-THING

There are a lot of feminists bashing people with kinks. God forbid you're a man who enjoys slapping a girl in the face. BECAUSE JESUS DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU ENJOY THAT YOU'RE A MISOGYNISTIC PIECE OF SHIT WHO WILL RAPE AND MURDER A WOMAN IN THE FUTURE. YOU FUCKING SCUM!!! HOW DARE A MAN EVER HIT A WOMAN!

Please note: consent is key here. If you are hitting a woman in the face without implicit consent, you are dildo munching cock mildew. However, with consent - and I mean full-on consent full-time with no questions - go ahead! Enjoy! Kink it up!

Even worse is if you're a woman who enjoys any demeaning activity during sex. HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A FEMINIST IF YOU WILLINGLY LET YOURSELF BE SLAPPED OR ROUGHED UP! YOU CANNOT ALLOW IT! THE ONLY CONCEIVABLE REASON YOU WOULD EVEN LIKE IT IS BECAUSE YOU WERE OPPRESSED FROM A YOUNG AGE AND TAUGHT TO LIKE BEING DEMEANED. DON'T LET THE PATRIARCHY RUN YOUR LIFE. 

I hate this type of feminism. Like what the shit people? I personally enjoy being man-handled. I love being pinned to the bed and spanked forcefully. I love having a hand on my throat (mind you, without being deprived of air). I love being slapped in the face - hard too. I love being called filthy names. And I know my boyfriend loves participating in this sexual activity. 

Does this mean that I'm oppressed? No! Does this mean that I was taught from a young age to like rough sex? No!

Does this mean that my boyfriend is a psycho waiting to rape someone for real? No! Does this mean that he hates women and thinks they are playthings? NO!

I'm seriously fucking tired of the anti-kink shit going around. If you like to be dominated, it doesn't mean you're a wilting flower, anti-feminist, pathetic woman. If you like to dominate, it doesn't mean you are a potentially sick rapist.

Tl;dr - fucking feminists on Tumblr make me want to vomit...and that's saying a lot...considering I'm the biggest emetophobe you'll ever meet.

The Friend Zone

Okay, so this may, or may not, be a heated topic. I suppose it depends on your level of thinking regarding the dreaded "friend-zone".

Now, for those who do not understand what the friend-zone is, let me try to explain. 

The friend-zone is a term oftentimes used by a gentleman, or even gentlewoman, who is friends/acquaintances/ with someone, wants a relationship with said someone, and does not get that relationship, emotionally or physically. So they often fuss that they are in the friend-zone, and like WHAT THE HELL? I'M A NICE PERSON. WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME, SLUT/DOUCHEBAG?!...Something like that.

I have some major issues with those people, as no one is property to be bought because you're a 'nice person'. Saying no to a relationship doesn't suddenly make you evil or horrible. 

But that isn't what I'd like to address today. Nope. I'd like to address the feminists who absolutely state that there is no such thing as the friend-zone.

And to that I say yes, yes there is.

Because friend-zone can literally be translated into I like this person, they know I like them, and they use my liking of them to obtain favors. That is what I originally knew as friend-zoning. Abusing your power over someone because they like you and you know it. 

These situations do exist and I think it's really fucking pathetic of feminists to scream that there is absolutely no such thing as a friend-zone, when there are indeed cases of the friend-zone. I mean really, just because the term is generally used for bronie-type boys, doesn't mean it can't be used for the real friend-zone situation. BUT OH NO RACHEL. FRIEND-ZONE IS A MADE UP WORD FOR A FICTIONAL ACTIVITY THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN EVER. JESUS HEAVING COCK RING. 

In the real cases of friend-zoning, the person who is friend-zoned, probably has no clue that they are friend-zoned until someone steps in and tells them.

And I understand the reasoning behind the feminist war-cries. I really do. Of course if you have a bunch of fucking loser assholes tossing 'friend-zone' into every situation where they didn't get to stick their dick/vagina into/onto someone, you'd believe the friend-zone didn't exist. I understand that.

But it frustrates me to no end, because I certainly believe there is such a thing as the friend-zone. I believe that friend-zone is a term that can and should be used for certain situations. Note: CERTAIN SITUATIONS.

*Situation 1 - you're a person who likes a person. This person doesn't like you back but is still a friend. You pout/rage that you're friend-zoned. Guess what sweetheart/douche-canoe? You're not. NEVER USE FRIEND-ZONE FOR THIS SITUATION EVER. YOU HEAR ME? YOU'RE NOT FRIEND-ZONED, YOU JUST GOT REJECTED. GET OVER YOURSELF. MOVE ON. FIND SOMEONE WHO MUTUALLY SHARES IN YOUR ATTRACTION. GEEZ. LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, NOT AN INSANE RAGE MONSTER.

*Situation 2 - you're a person who likes a person. This person knows you like them. They use you for favors because they know you'll do whatever they need. Guess what? You're in the friend zone and probably won't realize that you are until someone tells you or you get hurt enough to realize. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU CAN USE FRIEND-ZONE HERE. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU THINK THIS PERSON IS YOUR FRIEND. YOU HAVE A UBER CRUSH ON THEM AND THINK THEY LIKE YOU TOO. BUT THEY ARE USING YOU, WHILE STILL MAINTAINING THEIR 'FRIENDSHIP' STATUS. AND WHEN THE DUST CLEARS AND YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DECEIVED YOU CAN PUT THEM IN THE MURDER-ZONE. OKAY. SO USE FRIEND-ZONE FOR THIS SITUATION. IT'S OKAY. AND DON'T LET ANY FUCKING FEMINIST TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY. 

So if you ever get into situation #2 and someone tells you the friend-zone doesn't exist and that you're trash for using the term - tell them to fuck-off into a blender filled with cacti. Because I honestly believe in the term friend-zone, and no feminist can use an argument to dissuade me. 

End Rant.

Things...Like People Watching and Pet Peeves

Hello My Beautiful People (excluding Kelsey),

This is Rachel! (obvi.)


Today, and probably for the only time in like another 4 months, I will blog something. SOMETHING.

SOMETHING!

So...topic, topic, topic...

PEOPLE WATCHING!

People watching is a fine art. A fine art indeed. You can learn so much just by being a creepy, stalker, watcher man-woman. 

I would specifically like to address the way people park and how it relates to their personality.

There are several types of parkers. I'll state my parking habits first:

*People who take the closest spot available to them at the moment

I am a person who when parking, chooses the closest open parking spot. This is important to me. I want to park immediately, literally in the closest spot the parking lot has to offer (that is not already occupied). What I can infer from this is that I don't like fucking walking, but also don't like to fucking wait on a space or drive around like a fucking soccer mom.

*People who take the absolute closest spot

These people will refuse any space that is not the one closest to where they are going. They will wait on cars to back out, drive around until the spot opens, or fucking park in the handicapped zone. From these people I get the feeling of fucking laziness. Because who the fuck can't walk from the end of the parking lot? Unless you are handicapped, but in that case you have your own spot?!

*People who take up handicap spaces

These are the assholes of the parking lot. Anyone who parks in a handicap parking space when not HANDICAPPED needs to be kicked hard in the face. There are real people who need that space and if you take it then you're denying them the access they need. Have you ever seen a wheelchair ramped van? They need that extra room to safely lower the ramp. Using 2 spaces way down in the parking lot is not safe because it is not designated as a handicap zone. Any idiot could zoom in there and cause an accident. 

Now, onto Parent Parking. There is a new fad of parent parking spaces taking up residence in parking lots. And to be clear, I'm cool with it. If you've ever seen a parent try to tote several young children across a parking lot, you'll know it's difficult at times. But here's my issue, there is a war between the handicap and parent spaces. Handicapped people are using parents spaces and parents are using handicapped spaces. This is a problem in my book. Let me elaborate here, I feel it is completely okay for a handicap person to park in a parent/mother zone, especially if they do not have any handicap spaces available to them (as parent spaces are close to the building), but it is certainly not okay for parents to park in a handicap zone. Parent parkers should never, under any circumstances, park in a handicap zone. As I have been pregnant and have had a child, I can fucking tell you that you aren't fucking handicapped. You are fucking pregnant and can fucking walk across a parking lot (I'd know considering I was literally at my due date when I took a 1.5 mile walk to try and start labor). Do not try and play the card of "But I'm due and my ankles are swollen and I have to pee and it's hot and I should have the right to park wherever I want because I am totally handicapped". Ugh. It does not work. You are not injured, physically disabled, or mentally disabled. You are pregnant or have children. Something you chose to do. Something that has been done forever. It is not a handicap. Final note: people who park in handicap spaces when not handicap are fucking assholes.

*People who park under trees...no matter what

Tree-parkers are the rare breed that will always park in the shade to insure that their vehicle does not get hot. However, it seems that it doesn't matter to them if it's summer or winter. They will park under that damn tree, thank you very much. And for some reason, these people usually drive truck or jeeps. What does it mean?

*People who block lanes

Another bane of my existence are people who see someone loading their groceries and just stop, turn on their signal, and wait. Like WTF? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! THIS IS AN UP LANE! I'M STUCK WAITING ON YOUR ASS! JUST FUCKING MOVE! For you see, these people have it in their head that if they were to do something as crazy as move over a little, they're offering up their parking spot to the person waiting behind them. NO, NO WE'RE NOT. JUST FUCKING LET ME BY. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WALKING. I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT SPOT 3 SPACES DOWN. JUST LET ME.

*People who park super far away

We've all seen these people. The group who park the absolute farthest away. What I gleam from this? You are either exercising or have a nice car. There is no in-between. No one willingly parks that far without a reason. 

*People who park in fire zones or on the sidewalk

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ASSHOLES DOING? Does this look like your lawn? No.

AAAAAND THAT'S ALL I HAVE FOR NOW!

The things you see on Facebook

This questionnaire keeps popping up on my Facebook feed:

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME

I feel as though I'm not being unfair or cruel when I say that any person who sees this post and sincerely goes "yeah! exactly! why?!" is an idiot.

Here's said questionnaire:

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Truly? Does anyone really look at this question and ponder? Assassinations are always political/religious/a-hired-killing. Murder is you going into your back yard and shooting your neighbor. How is this hard?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 

Considering no one really knows what Heaven is like, and that's even if it exists, shouldn't you just assume that God supplies everything? Including clothing?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Probably because square boxes are easier to make, ship, store, and put together???

What disease did cured ham actually have?  

Because cured is always in reference to diseases.

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? 

Jesus. Because when they do sleep, they fucking sleep like the fucking dead. They don't react to noise, barking, explosions, etc.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Toasters aren't only used for toast. Fucking tits ya'll.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

You aren't supposed to overdraw your account!!!! The money that you are using when you overdraw is the bank's. The bank is footing your bill so you don't have to go without. The charge is for the bank taking it's own money and time to save your overdrawing ass.

Why does someone believe you when you say there   

are four billion stars, but check when you say the 

paint is wet?

Humans are tactile! It's not like we can reach out and touch the stars (or spend time counting them) to determine if you're telling the truth. We can however, reach out and touch paint to check if it's dry. Also, we're stupid with things like that. 

Why do they use sterilized needles      

for death by lethal injection?

Because we no longer keep dirty needles???

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Not everyone can grow a beard. My boyfriend is Native American - he cannot grow a beard.

Jesus tits guys. Jesus tits (Kelsey totally never says this).

This is just a few of the questions on this ridiculous list.

This is how stupid this thing is...

Ummm I don't drink that much

Thats my favorite thing that BennyC did. Oh god. I can't handle it.

So, unsurprisingly, I have had almost none of those things. I really want a kamikaze, however.

I have had a Long Island Ice Tea and, let me tell you, I died a bit inside.

Okay.

A lot inside.

WAY TOO MUCH ALCOHOL FOR ME.

I am not a big fan of alcohol. So that cheap champagne would be right up my ally. I like super sweet, super bubbly, super everything but alcoholy.

I just don't like alcohol too much. So, because of this, I tend to forget that I am of legal age when I am by myself. Sometimes, when my brother buys them, I drink this:

Recipe: It comes in a fucking bottle. I'm assuming there are apples involved at one point in the process.

Taste: It tastes like Hard Cider but with like a cinnamon flavor. I do not work with alcohol for a living, leave me alone.

Annnnd I make myself an iced coffee with whipped cream vodka in it. There are no pictures. I make it myself. Although, actually, here, have the vodka pic.

Recipe: Fucking use some like fucking day old coffee shit, put some ice and a fourth-cup sugar in a shaker cup with the coffee and just a bit of half-and-half or whole milk. Shake the bitch like its a Polaroid picture. Punch a man in the face. Try it for taste before then adding AS MUCH VODKA AS YOU WANT. It can be shitty vodka, you're using shitty coffee and off-brand sugar to console your shitty life anyways so who gives a fuck? People say it'll curdle the milk but your soul is curdled anyways so who honestly cares. Besides, you'll drink that shit so fast it won't matter. Shake up the mixture again. Put it in a glass. Or a mug. Or a fucking bowl. I don't fucking care. Overthrow the patriarchy and assert your dominance as an equal gender, whether it be male, female, nonbinary, or other. Fuck the police.

Taste: Like fucking heaven. I don't tend to put too much vodka in because I'm more addicted to coffee than alcohol. Its a shame. A real shame.


So uh yeah there ya go theres my contribution. Also, the New Years post is demented, Rachel. Demented.

The New Year is coming on like a train....