Its been like four months

Hallo!

No, that is not terrible spelling. That is the German word for hello! True fact! I assume!

This is Kelsey, for those of you interested!

To start off...Rachel, what delightful posts you have created in the past. I especially enjoy this one and will follow suit with randomicityoscity.

I have 20 of these. I line them up and make a bed.

Eventually we will do a hot topic Friday. But, for today, I will follow Rachel's lead and format!

Random Topic #1: Five Random Facts About Myself 

1. I am currently going to college for my third year of failing horribly.

This is what college students do not look like. They aren't tired enough.

2. I am attempting to reread books from when I was 14 and also failing horribly.

These books are amazingly well written but are BORING TO A 20 YEAR OLD.

3. I can cook, actually, just never do because my mom is better.

My favorite food.

4. I dyed my hair blonde recently, yes, and it came out more orangish.

Its this exact color.

5. I am currently starving.

this is all I want right now. omgomgomg.

Random Topic #2: Five Random Facts about Rachel

 
 1. Rachel is freakishly tall and needs to stop it. Her bf, however, is taller and I hate them both.

2. She recently cut her hair after dying it black.

She looks like this, only she is white.

3. Rachel never gets angry in real life but is a very angry driver.

She yells at these things as if they can hear her and move.

 4. When we were in middle school she ignored me in the hallways. I forgive her.

5. We used to be really into Naruto and she spent like three days at my house watching it with me.

Random Topic #3: Idiots treating me like dirt at my job

 You can't go wrong with a job theme! I work at a convenience store gas station fast food kinda thing place thing. Idiots think this gives them the right to treat me like dirt. Rachel has a real job so doesn't always understand, but it kinda sucks. I stand there for 6 hours without a break because I'm the bottom of the food chain for breaks and some idiot wants to come complain at me about something stupid like our company changing our coffee creamers? I don't give a fuck! Then some dicks like to bark orders at me like I'm their slave.

Me: "Hi, how are you, sir!"

Fucktard: "GIVE ME TWO PALLMALL ORANGE 100S". 

Me: "Thats a really specific thing to be today, sir!"

Recently an old man came in and asked me for a carton of Winston Gold 100's. I moved our cigarette cases around because our cartons are right behind them.  We had five cartons of Gold Shorts, but no 100's, so I asked the man to wait for just a second while I check in the back. Eureka! There was a goldmine of Gold 100's back there and I happily brought him his carton. Only to find him glaring meanly at me and being snarky. I politily asked him what the problem was and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is there a problem, sir?

Dickface: Yeah, there is. You wasted my time running to the back to get these fucking cigarettes when there are five cartons of them right fucking there!

Me: I'm sorry, sir, but those are not 100's, those are shorts. You asked me for 100's.

Dickface: I'm not fucking blind, I've smoked these my whole life. Those are fucking 100's and you wasted my time. Look, they are right there!

Me: Sir, I am looking. I'm sorry I wasted your time, but those are definitely the shorts.

Dickface: Whatever, learn to do your fucking job.

Manager: Whats the problem, sir?

Dickface: This little girl wasted my time going in the back to get Winston Gold 100's when they are right fucking there is the problem! You need to hire people that actually fucking look.

Manager: Sir, those are the shorts. Here, let me show you. We don't have any 100's stocked out here currently, only shorts.

Dickface: I've smoked these my whole life!

And then he walked away grumbling. This kinda thing happens every time I work. Cigarettes are bad kids, mkay?

WHOOPS BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS.

Random Topic #4: Fucking Mitt Romney

No. Just no. Ugh. NO.

 Random Topic #5: Better Hotties of the Week

1. Nicki Minaj

2. Emma Stone

3. Emma Watson

4. Dianna Agron

 5. Anne Hathaway

Random Topic #6: My Plans for the Future

Welp. This one is simple. I plan on finishing up a short story for a Christmas Gift, doing school stuff, and rewriting Character Analysis on my DNA Resister Characters. Thats a book I am writing, you guys. Hopefully, with Rachel's permission, I can post some of the character outlines, short entries about them, and even some of the book's first and second chapter.

I'm whipped though, so I need her permission.

And that's all, folks! Thanks for reading!

Are you random?

Hello all (that includes you Satan; also you, Jesus)!

Today is Friday! For this we are grateful. Let us all take a moment to bow down to our God.

And God said, "Let there be sex!"

Not your God you say? That is disgusting of you all ! Heretics! I say, "Shun the Non-Believer! I am without sin, so I will cast the first stone!"

Anyhoodlydoodly (creative licensing, AKA the ability to make shit up), I am cheerfully counting down the hours until the weekend. This week has gone on way too long and it must be vanquished. There can 'nary be a rested soul long as the Friday eats the heart of men.

The monster Friday, maybe you've heard of it?

Today is one of those days where you don't know what to do or what to say. I certainly have no clue what to excite you with (the batteries are dead in the mind-vibrator).

So...my only hope is being as random as the conversation spouting from the mouth of a Tourettes sufferer. 

Random Topic #1: 5 More Facts About Myself

1. I am on a M*A*S*H spin right now, and am obsessively watching the show.

Ah, nothing like death and destruction to bring out the awesome in you.

2. I can't cook to save my life. I burn pancakes, overcook spaghetti, and just pretty much fail.

A woman who can't cook? Absurd!

3. I took 6 years of Spanish and am still an incompetent idiot regarding the language.

4. My car is named Billie Jean California. Yes, I know it is a stupid name.

My car is a fucking purr-machine on the scale of 'car to my tires are cats who are afraid of water'.

5. I feel like a bad-ass when 'Fuel' by Metallica comes on while I'm driving (I'm not sure if this is normal).

Random Topic #2: 5 Facts About Kelsey

1. Kelsey is short. So very, very short. The type of short where capris become pants.  

I should have known this was you, Kelsey. You murderous midget.

2. Kelsey is one sexy ass mama. 

3. Kelsey has blond hair. 

Pretty much sums her up.

4. Kelsey is a great listener. We sometimes even agree on things!

5. Kelsey has a car named Dante. Dante is sad, almost as sad as Billie.

He's a fucking devil.

Random Topic #3: Idiots Applying for Jobs

The company I am working for is hiring warehouse personnel and drivers. All of these positions require a copy of a current and good-standing driving record. We stated this in the advertisement and reiterated the significance when each applicant came in. So tell me, why did we have a man apply with a driving record of -6 points? These points coming from such lovely incidents such as a DUI, driving under a suspended license, going 30-35 over the current speed limit, and failure to obey a traffic signal? Tell me why this person applied when he told me clearly that he had a felony record.

And he isn't the only one! I understand that the job market is hard and that people are looking for jobs. But really?

'Nuff said.

Random Topic #4: The Best Thing In The World

Today, the best thing in the world (in my opinion, but really, my opinion is the only one that matters) is my hatred of Mitt Romney.

Shut your whore-mouth, Romney, you underhanded piece of filth.

Random Topic #5: Addiction

I'm sorry to say I have an addiction, an addiction to Krave.

Fuck you Kelloggs. Stop trying to make me even fatter. 

Random Topic #6: Hottie of the Week

I believe a hottie of the week is in order. Of course, the men I find attractive are vastly different from the men Kelsey finds attractive. 

To make up for lost time, I'll give you five.

1. Chris Pine

2. Shamar Moore

3. Dermot Mulroney

4. James Marsden

5. Alan Rickman (I know, I'm a freaking weirdo)

Random Topic #6: The End

My inspiration is dry today (obviously the reason for my lack of originality and humor).

So I fare thee well, or whatever, and hope everyone has a luscious weekend.

Toodles!

Just kidding about the gnomes, Kelsey.

Mixing of the cultures...only with food.

I am not dead! Rejoice with me!

Say "Halle-fucking-lujah, Rachel!" with me 20 times!

Is this blasphemous?

I come to you today with a story of lunch. A lunch long since past, like maybe 5 minutes ago:

"Once upon a normal noon where clouds were saying, "fuck you, too", I noticed it was time for lunch, and with haste, set my paperwork down in an array of fuck. I traversed to the office fridge, battling the cool A/C and random wine boxes (and for you adventurers there was much blood to be had). I dueled with the fridge handle for merely a moment and finally laid eyes upon my home-packed lunch. I could see with disdain that the Boyfriend had been there first, stealing my precious Frito Lays and leaving me with the Nacho Doritos. I muttered a curse to his name, his future children, and his dog, before hauling my find off to my cluttered desk. What was I to do with a measly PB&J and serving size bag of Doritos? I pondered as I sent out an e-mail and my brain churned with all types of fervor. Aha! I proclaimed. I know what to do. I poured the chips in the sandwich and made something new! How clever was I? How utterly wise? To make a new sandwich that no one would dare criticize. And so I settled down to eat, hoping my sandwich would make me complete. And oh it did! I swear! I vow! I loved my sandwich, don't wonder how. And yes, I ate that whole damn thing while others watched...some with disdain."

 Fuck yes, motherfucker! Eat all the shit! All of it!

On another note:

This. Fucking this right fucking here:

That is all. Seriously. 

Bored to be a Bore

Are you readers dead yet?

I mean, it has been quite a while since I last posted and we all know you don't come here for Kelsey (call her Kelley, she loves it).

Have you all been sitting in your chairs, glued to the spot as you wait with bated breath for my words of wisdom? Have some of you died and rotted as though you were a perma-virgin nerd who just received their much awaited (*note* excessively awaited) copy of Diablo 3?

Nature's way of weeding out the population.

Also, perma-virgin nerd is like permafrost only having nothing to do with the ground, frost, or barren wasteland. 

Scratch that: perma-virgin nerd is a barren wasteland. No vaginas will be setting up roots there.

And without further procrastination, here is some IM Backlog fun:

: Kelsey Owens is online.

Kelsey Owens:

omg theres an app on facebook to find out your american indian name

Kelsey Owens:

Imma do mine ,tag ty, and be like "ITS YOUR TURN NOW."

OrochiNazi: What was yours?

Kelsey Owens:

oh. i didnt look

Kelsey Owens:

I was busy doing something

OrochiNazi: Oh, well. Fine.

OrochiNazi: My God, why is this week dragging on so long.

Kelsey Owens:

Im sorry

OrochiNazi: Don't you think this week is extra long?

Kelsey Owens:

Nope.

Kelsey Owens:

Okay yes.

Kelsey Owens:

Im bored as fuck.

Kelsey Owens:

I was invited to a christmas party friday

Kelsey Owens:

I dont know anyone there

OrochiNazi: Go anyway. Make lots of new friends.

OrochiNazi: Have a random drunken one night stand

Kelsey Owens:

Umm

Kelsey Owens:

No?

Kelsey Owens:

Thats perfectly okay?

OrochiNazi: Fine. Don't be a slut.

Kelsey Owens:

Im sorry

OrochiNazi: You should be.

Kelsey Owens:

I know how much you wanted me to follow in your footsteps

OrochiNazi: I did.

OrochiNazi: I did want you to follow in my footsteps. Why do you have to kill my dreams?

OrochiNazi: Why?

OrochiNazi: Why?

Kelsey Owens:

Because you're a lesbian

Kelsey Owens:

and I dont believe in you

OrochiNazi: I'm real.

Kelsey Owens:

NO YOU ARENT

OrochiNazi: I am.

OrochiNazi: http://9gag.com/gag/1179955

Kelsey Owens:

wth

Kelsey Owens:

old people

Kelsey Owens:

wth

Kelsey Owens:

I dont like old people because they'll die soon

Kelsey Owens:

Stop dancing to your grave, old man

Ciao mis chicos bonitos.

*Edit* The above link to 9gag does not work. Here is the video:

That Musical Feel, Bro Thursdays (Kelsey)

GREETINGS QUESTERS.

We here at Muon's Quest to Penetrate the Bucketsphere are absolutely dreadful at posting on a regular schedule.

So what.

Heres a That Feel, Bro Thursday!

"You know that feeling when you haven't heard a song in like five years and it comes on the radio (or Pandora for you non-radio owners) and you can just scream out the words like you heard it five minutes ago?"

Yeah you do. You so know that feel.

A Day to Random

Greetings peeps!

Like Hitler's army in Candy Land.

Today is a day of random...because I say so.

I am inexplicably exhausted this Friday, and have to wonder why I am posting at all. My brain is currently playing the role of a dead slug (catch it next summer in, "The Brain that Classified Mollusca Gastropoda...it studied until it loved, then it loved until it transformed into one of them.") so I am having a bit of a problem with topic-choosing, thus you get them all.

My brain is the dashing slug on top.

First topic of the day is arguing on the internet.

I will admit that I am a bit of a comment troll. I purposely browse articles that I know will be 'button-pushing' just so I can start debates/arguments with people who do not share my opinions.

Do not get me wrong, I am in no way cruel or mean to those who claim differing opinions. As human beings/extraterrestrials we all have a right to an opinion. 

On that note however, I will be the first to destroy any idiot commentator. The right to idiocy is not protected by The Law of Rachel.

The Law of Rachel is a harsh mistress indeed.

Harsh like the reality of your childhood dreams. Also, Santa isn't real.

For example, below is a short commentary from an article regarding posing nude for Playboy:

Kara (random comment)

"Oh enough with the classy crap. You may never do it, but it doesn't make it wrong nor not "classy" The public is way too "voodoo" about a naked body. Sure this magazine is more about sexuality then it being "artistic" but come on, grow up already."

Rachael (random comment, not me, and for this I'm glad)

"Not all of us women want to show our vaginas off to millions of people, especially if we are a mother. There is nothing wrong with modesty, beeyotch!"

 I'm talking to you, Rachael. You fucking whore (I can say this because the argument is over).

Ethereal-Queen (Me, in reply to Rachael)

 "And we can all see how very classy you are Rachael. Very classy indeed. You may be modest, but not polite. I guess your parents skipped the class about respect and appropriate language when talking with others in a debating nature. Calling someone a 'beeyotch' is in no way conducive to a debate; in fact, it makes you lose all credibility, especially when the person you insulted was not being rude to you, only stating her opinion. Kara is very correct in my opinion. You may never pose nude, but that does not mean doing so in inherently wrong, ill-classed, or destructive to self-respect. Sure, there are plenty of strippers you would not want to share breathing room with. However, there are also plenty of strippers who you would never suspect had such a job if they did not tell you. You are right, there is nothing wrong with modesty, but everyone has a different view of what modesty is. You feel stripping/posing nude draws the line, I do not. That does not mean I lack any class or respect. That is where you and others need to grow up. You denigrate others for their line of work, insulting them because you don't believe it is 'modest'. You should probably meet a few nude models before judging their level of morals or self-respect."

Yes, I argued for no reason. Yes, I could have ignored Rachael. Yes, I could have avoided the article completely.

But how could I? I shouldn't even have to mention that I was fueled by Rachael's other posts, one being a post that stated 'strippers aren't women'.

So much fucking testosterone. What a man.

What? That isn't even a valid argument.

This is why they need to keep me away from the Internet, I'm an arguer at heart.

Second topic of the day is French men.

French! *please note* Olivier Martinez did not agree to be my friend.

Am I the only one who feels the stereotype about the French being major assholes is there for a reason?

Nothing says 'major asshole' like force-feeding caged/chained ducks for disgusting fat liver.

I'm not trying to hate on any country or her people, but seriously? What is up with French people?

Example 1: Today I was carrying a box of wine (around 36lbs) up the hallway. Our French sales representative, let's call him B.O. (you decide on the reason for the name) was walking ahead of me. Wine boxes are cumbersome without the added struggle of opening doors, so I was extremely happy when B.O. held the door open for me. Oh wait, that's not what happened. Rewind. I meant I was extremely aggravated when B.O. helpfully slammed the door in my face.

You may be assuming B.O. did not see me.

That would be good enough for me, if not for the fact that he literally stopped to talk.

Okay, so maybe he thought I was going a different direction?

Nope. He asked me if I needed assistance with the box (I said no).

New angle: he thought when you said no you meant no forever.

Nope again. He asked if I need help with the door (I said yes).

Final angle: He did it on purpose and is a royal ass-hat.

Yes, yes he is.

B.O. may have French thoughts like this? If so, still not acceptable. 

Example 2: A few weeks ago I had the chance to take a call from a French Restaurant, let's call this Restaurant of a popular French structure, and said call was not very fun.

Definitely has nothing to do with this shape.

I got cursed at no less than 15 times, and called unprofessional even more than that.

Did I mention this call was about an issue out of my control?

Did I also mention that the call wasn't even for me?

Did I also also mention that I got in trouble with my immediate higher-up?

Did I get an apology?

Yes, I did.

Okay, no I didn't, but I would have forgiven them if they apologized like this.

But I do often rant about the French douche-canoes that I work with.

Omelette du fromage, ya'll!

Also, omelette du fromage is incorrect French. Dexter lied to you like a boss. You're welcome. 

Peace out! (From a hippy who didn't lose their leg in 'Nam)

Random Quote Time!

My marvelous readers!

Not Rachel's readers, fuck you guys.

MY marvelous readers! Today I will present to you a random quote with absolutely no background context!


"Hitler is to Mustache as Burt Reynolds is to Mustache."

Now lets see that as a helpful chart!

Hitler:Mustache :: Burt Reynolds:Mustache

There you have it, folks.

Douchist thing ever.

So, Rachel and I, it seems lately, have been talking a lot about our high school days. More specifically, our bus riding days.

EVERY. DAY.

Rachel graduated and ABANDONED EVERYONE THAT LOVED HER a year ahead of me. But, unlike most juniors and seniors, we never stopped riding the bus. Why waste gas money? Plus, we had a good time on that bus.

We were like queens of that bus, really. We ruled over all the puny middle schoolers. It kills my soul to know that they are probably all in high school, now, because we've been out of school a very long time. Like, three whole years for her, two for me.

This show was high as we were.

We sat in the very back. Thats obviously where the cool kids sit. And I remember we had like a little group back there of friends. And we were ridiculous. Most of mine and Rachel's inside jokes probably come from there.

Although, according to her, I am not on the cool side and cut over. Skank.

So, thats where that above quote came from. We were most likely high our whole bus riding experience.

Like this.