Liquid Gold

Questers, how should I put this? I don't think I can put it delicately.

Kelsey and I are weird. Very weird. Sometimes so weird that we even weird ourselves out.

We both tend to be completely rude, crude, and loud whenever we get in the vicinity of each other. We definitely make other people weep in fright when they see us coming.

But on top of it all, we still manage to make friends with random people. It must be a gift.

So Questers...for your viewing pleasure I will give you a few texts from Kelsey and I:

Me: My legs hurt!
Kelsey: Why
Me: Pregnancy.
Me: Argh, the car beside me just threw out a bunch of trash. That pisses me off so bad.
Me: I only have 88 more days until baby.
Kelsey: That's so few!
Me: I know! Its like nothing. 
Me: Obviously baby will be born tomorrow.
Kelsey: Obvs
Me: Meh.

Kelsey: I need to come over soooon. You left your ha here.
Me: My hat?
Kelsey: Yes
Me: No wonder I've been so glum. I left my ha there.
Kelsey: Shhh. Dont make fun. Ill cry.
Me: Crying is good.
Kelsey: My forehead has blisters. It hurts to cry bc it hurts to blink. Also hi how are yoooooou.

Kelsey: Also, I'm eating icecream! I was texting bekah but she went to bed :( why rent/you/in bed missy?
Me: We're heading there. Eventually. Like now.
Kelsey: HA. ill see you tomorrow :) i saw you saturday and already miss yoooooou!
Me: That's because you secretly love Mr.
Me: Me
Kelsey: I do secretly love mr. Mr. is my favorite mister. Ill marry mr. One day and become mrs.Mr.
Me: I know this.
Me: Then you'll have little misters.
Kelsey: Yes. And they will have glorious mustaches and the girls will be ms.Mr. And the boys will be mr.Mr.Jr. Yes.

Me: Just saw Oblivion.
Kelsey: Any good?
Me: Yes. Kind of kind fuck.
Kelsey: I love kind fucks. Yes indeed. Mind?
Me: Yes. Mind fork.
Me: Fuck
Me: Damn it.
Kelsey: Mind fork?
Kelsey: I love autocorrect.
Me: Shut it. I try...sometimes.
Kelsey: Lies
Me: Yes. It's true. I am a pathological liar.
Kelsey: Then wouldn't you be lying about lying? Ooooh paradox
Me: Your mom is a paradox.

Me: Are you a lady?
Kelsey: No. I am not. I am..A mad. Duhduhdunnnnnnn.
Me: You are a mad?
Kelsey: Man. Fuck me i can't type today fjrirksklerhjr
Me: Kelsey, its rude to ask someone to fuck you.
Kelsey: I think it was more of a command than a request
Me: Well, commands are just as rude.
Kelsey: I fucking hate saturdays bc i have to go to be so fucking early and was invited out for some coffee tonight and had to decline. Also commands are kinky ;)
Me: Who invited you to coffee? Also, why can't you go? There is no way coffee takes a thousand hours. And yes, commands are kinky...when Tyler uses them. We aren't lovers Kelsey. Geez. You'll have to get over me.
Kelsey: I cant :( its so hard
Me: You'll just have to.
Kelsey: :( im so much cooler than tyler thoooough. Youre just being sexist is all
Me: Move on.
Me: Tyler is awesome. He has a penis, too.
Kelsey: FINE. FINE. I WILL. I DONT NEED YOU. GAWD. FINE. IM DONE. IM OUT. CYA. BYE
Me: Good! I don't need a woman.
Kelsey: ...Ouch :( everyone needs a woman.
Me: Nah. You're not woman enough for me.
Kelsey: Well. Thats just rude.
Me: Yep. I'm a rude person.
Kelsey: Why do you hate me? Is it the murders? It must be the murders.
Me: Nah. Its because of the rapes. 
Kelsey: Oh please. Whatever. There were only like...4,5 at the most. Dozens of murders. Youre so petty ugh. I worked way harder on those murders too. No appreciation.
Me: You just weren't creative enough with the rapes. They were so lacking. So boring.
Kelsey: B...but I can do better! I can! Please give me another chance!
Me: Sorry. I've moved on from you.

There! See! Some conversations! Aren't you like the luckiest?