Today I was driving to work. Down the dirt road I flew, with boyfriend in the passenger seat trying to pay the fucking Verizon phone bill.
Then it happened...
I didn't see it...
I swear!
It came out of nowhere. Oh God!
I'm a horrible, horrible person.
I'm sorry squirrel! I didn't see you until it was too late. I'm sorry I ran you over. I'm sorry my car thumped you soundly. I'm so, so sorry.
I hope it was quick. I hope it was over in a second.
....Squirrel, I had to travel back to open the gate for someone. Why weren't you dead in the road? Squirrel, where did your body go? Squirrel, I clearly ran you over. Squirrel, this isn't funny. Squirrel, are you dying in agony somewhere? Squirrel, I'm sorry! Squirrel...
On another note, the days are finally warming up. Fuck yes. Also, fuck no because evil creatures are back. You know what I was doing on Sunday when I noticed you, evil creature? I had just laid down the empty feed buckets in the shower room for a good scrubbing out. Were you watching me then?
Your favorite album?
I reached behind myself to turn on the hot water and grabbed the sprayer. Why didn't you inform me of your presence then? How long were you there?
No please. No.
I sprayed out each bucket, carefully and meticulously. They fairly shined. Were you judging me then? Were you, evil creature?
I reach to turn off the water. What is that? What do I spy out of the corner of my eye? EVIL CREATURE DEATH SPAWN!
I hate you! I HATE YOU!
Evil creature...what if you're the child of the mother I killed last year? What if? OMG, I'll never be able to sleep again.
Evil creature, I do not apologize for changing the sprayer to jet setting and pulverizing your body out of the stall door. I will never apologize for that. You are a fucking satanic creature and I hate you. Please leave my barn and go elsewhere. I did not invite you. I will never invite you. Go live far away. I don't want to see you. I don't want you near me. You're disgusting and make me cry. Fuck you. Seriously.
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