Ummm I don't drink that much

Thats my favorite thing that BennyC did. Oh god. I can't handle it.

So, unsurprisingly, I have had almost none of those things. I really want a kamikaze, however.

I have had a Long Island Ice Tea and, let me tell you, I died a bit inside.

Okay.

A lot inside.

WAY TOO MUCH ALCOHOL FOR ME.

I am not a big fan of alcohol. So that cheap champagne would be right up my ally. I like super sweet, super bubbly, super everything but alcoholy.

I just don't like alcohol too much. So, because of this, I tend to forget that I am of legal age when I am by myself. Sometimes, when my brother buys them, I drink this:

Recipe: It comes in a fucking bottle. I'm assuming there are apples involved at one point in the process.

Taste: It tastes like Hard Cider but with like a cinnamon flavor. I do not work with alcohol for a living, leave me alone.

Annnnd I make myself an iced coffee with whipped cream vodka in it. There are no pictures. I make it myself. Although, actually, here, have the vodka pic.

Recipe: Fucking use some like fucking day old coffee shit, put some ice and a fourth-cup sugar in a shaker cup with the coffee and just a bit of half-and-half or whole milk. Shake the bitch like its a Polaroid picture. Punch a man in the face. Try it for taste before then adding AS MUCH VODKA AS YOU WANT. It can be shitty vodka, you're using shitty coffee and off-brand sugar to console your shitty life anyways so who gives a fuck? People say it'll curdle the milk but your soul is curdled anyways so who honestly cares. Besides, you'll drink that shit so fast it won't matter. Shake up the mixture again. Put it in a glass. Or a mug. Or a fucking bowl. I don't fucking care. Overthrow the patriarchy and assert your dominance as an equal gender, whether it be male, female, nonbinary, or other. Fuck the police.

Taste: Like fucking heaven. I don't tend to put too much vodka in because I'm more addicted to coffee than alcohol. Its a shame. A real shame.


So uh yeah there ya go theres my contribution. Also, the New Years post is demented, Rachel. Demented.

The New Year is coming on like a train....

All the good things...plus some not so good things

Halo, bienvenidos, je t'aime, Lassen Sie mich an diesem Schwanz und Fahrt springen...

Yes, I've missed you all so much. So very, very much.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas or Holiday Season or whatever.

As you can obviously tell, the previously decided topic days (That Feel, Bro, etc.) are not really adhered to. 

Therefore, I propose a random posting: What Alcoholic Drink I Had. This will be a post I make anytime I try a new alcoholic drink. I will give a picture of the drink, a quick recipe, and how it rated with me. If Kelsey has also had the drink, I hope she posts her own input (it will obviously contradict my own).

So...here goes!

These are all drinks that I enjoyed yesterday at our company Christmas/New Years affair:

*Long Island Iced Tea*

Basic Recipe:

Equal parts of vodka, gin, tequila, rum, triple sec

1 1/2 parts sour mix 

A splash of cola

*It is important to note that most versions have nothing to do with tea.

Rachel's Review:

I greatly enjoyed it, but very well know that one is quite enough for me. You could definitely taste the alcohol but it wasn't overpowering. Decidedly an easy drinker. The lemon is a great addition but be careful not to add too much. I totally did and the final part of my drink was extremely sour!

*Kamikaze*

Basic Recipe:

Equal parts vodka, triple sec, and lime juice (usually garnished with a lime slice) - ours had sour mix added.

Rachel's Review:

Yummmmm! Not a good thing to serve to me because they are fantastic. You would think that something filled with so much lime would be very sour but it isn't. It's actually fairly sweet and goes down smoothly. It's a shot style drink, but I sipped mine slowly. It is definitely a drink I would have again and again.

*2012 Weingut Richard Böcking, Riesling*

Basic Recipe: 

Riesling grapes

Rachel's Review:

Yuck. I love, love, love white wine but this one? NO. Just the nose was horrid and reminiscent of dirty gym socks. It tasted about the same. I can certainly do without.

Now some goodies enjoyed on Christmas Eve:

*2010 Tamarack, Cabernet Sauvignon*

Basic Recipe:

88% Cabernet Sauvignon, 4% Merlot, 4% Cabernet Franc and 4% Syrah

Rachel's Review:

A very weak red. The nose is super spicy but the taste is bland. There really isn't any heat or bite. Definitely a red wine for beginners.

*NV Chocolate Shop, Sparkling Red Wine*

Basic Recipe:

Disaster

Rachel's Review:

Gag. This stuff is horrible. It tastes like someone rinsed out stale socks and undies in soda, added dye, and sealed it into a champagne-corked bottle. I took one sip and probably died just a  little. But under all of that...pure, total, overwhelming, shitty chocolate.

*NV St. James, Cranberry*

Basic Recipe:

Cranberry Fruit Wine goodness

Rachel's Review:

My Holiday Season weakness. I love this stuff. It looks so festive and yummy! And since it is a fruit wine rather than a grape wine I'm in love. This wine is a total winner. It tastes just like cranberry juice, only a little sweeter. The ABV is not ridiculously high so it's a good one to enjoy. Plus, the alcohol is barely noticeable!

*NV Cave Carod, Clairette de Die*

Basic Recipe:

 75% Muscat Petits Grains and 25% Clairette

Rachel's Review:

This is a rather cheap champagne - so boozies can enjoy! Lots and lots of bubbly goodness and sweet, sweet, sweet. I had to swig this sucker down fast because it was just too much. It's a good quality champagne for the buck but I'm just not a bubbly drinker.

Kelsey, any new booze for you?

Make it so....

Fuck, but I love this.

I am a total Star Trek nerd.

For Kesley

Kelsey,

Here you go!







Don't you love them????!!!

Pictures and stuff

Yes, pictures. This is what happens when I'm bored.

Found another story...

Sup peeps!

I found another crack-fic while browsing.

A peenis love story by Leda MalfoyPotter

"How yo waist anorexic and your ass colossal like WHOOP" Peeta slaps my ass as he walks away.
"Stop!" I yell

"Now make that motherfucker hammer time" Cinna sings.
Am I missing something?
"PEETA GET THE FUCK OUTTAHEREEE" Effie screeches. Woah she is loud

He shuffle away saying something along the lines of "white girls, black girls, tall girls, fat girls shake that ass..."
"Nice...harir" Cinna says pointing to my 8 feet tall rainbow Mohawk. He pulls out a ipod and plays some music. He teaches my the hoe-down throw-down and the wobble.

Pure fucking poetry.

Sexy Harassment Time!

Hola peeps residing on the Bucketsphere (seriously - where the fuck are you guys?)

It's time to bring out some serial issues. I'm totes serial, brahs. (Is this South Park shit too old?)

I would marry Cartman in a heartbeat. I'm not even joking.

The topic for today is lighthearted sexual harassment.

I'm one of those ladies who is fairly tolerant of crude remarks and innuendos from the opposite sex (or even same sex). I don't go crying foul over a sexual comment or misplaced affection. I'm a big girl, I can deal. And this all leads down to:

There is one thing that I absolutely know regarding my workplace. That I, if I so wished, could get most of the men in trouble (or even fired) for sexual harassment. 

Here are some examples:

#1) I dropped my car off for a state inspection the other week on my way to work. My work is incredibly chill regarding giving people lifts to and from places, so I had a ride no problem. In the afternoon one of our warehouse employees, we'll call him Little Old Dude (he has total short man syndrome), gave me a ride to pick up my car (my barely passed inspection car - I'm looking at you Billie Jean California). On our way to the company van, Little Old Dude was stopped by another one of our warehouse workers, Scotch Tape (he appears in the next story!). Scotch Tape winked at Little Old Dude, told him to 'take it easy on me', winked some more, and laughed his head off while walking back into the warehouse. Meanwhile, I just stood there with my eyes narrowed at him. Needless to say, the ride was just a tad awks.

#2) This situation happened not long after I began working at my current job. I was walking into the warehouse to pull some samples (a dreaded task that I have since passed on to newer employees) and I traveled by two of our guys, Scotch Tape (say it ain't so) and Crusty. They were whispering to each other, giggling like school girls, and glancing my way. I stared them down, cocking my head, wondering what could possibly be funny about me. Was my hair funny? Always. Something on my face? No. 

So being the person I am I stopped and questioned them, "What are you guys talking about?"

And that person would be nosy.

Scotch Tape pulled his baseball cap down a little lower, gave a little smirk, and smacked Crusty on the arm enthusiastically, "I was just telling Crusty about how'd I love to lick a stripe up your panties."

I walked away uncomfortable, laughing it off...And all I could  think was that I wasn't wearing any panties.

#3) Remember my earlier blog post about Catholic Man. When I first started working for Wine Place he was infatuated a bit with me. Yes, this was before he realized I was a heathen. 

One day while I was stacking some used boxes in the corner of the warehouse he came up to me and started his usual conversation. 

This turned around immediately when he stated that I was better than his wife and how we wished he had met me when he was younger. He would have apparently shown me the best time.

How do you respond to that?

#4) If I haven't mentioned it yet, the boyfriend works at Wine Place with me. So we are subjected often to murmurings about our love life. Which is awesome if you must know. Do I participate in blow jobs and anal? Well, of course. Who doesn't?

Anyway, I was super frustrated the other day at one of our sales reps. As if on cue, I was greeted with a, "What's up?"

"Frustrated." I announced, going on my merry way.

"Well, you just need some good loving." Piped in, you got it, Scotch Tape.

"I get good loving." I stated, offended for my man's sake.

"You do not. You need a man's loving." Scotch Tape countered.

"I have a man's loving? Tyler certainly isn't a woman. He has a grown-up penis and uses it grown-uply."

Okay, I really didn't say that.

But I totally did defend my man's honor.

"I could give you good loving." Scotch Tape yapped.

*Sigh*

#5) I'm leaving work late at our old warehouse which was in serious sketch-town at the back of a warehouse complex.

"Hey baby, want a ride?" A smooth voice canters.

I turn. Boss-Man stares down at me from his grand old expensive SUV.

"No thanks."

yeaaaaaaah

None of those pics are showing up for me.

haha.
ha.

ha.

Funny Picture Compilation

Morning peeps!

I bring you this comic about depression....and I love it.



http://lotoflaughters.com/21-comics-that-capture-the-frustrations-of-depression/

I'm sure Kelsey will enjoy these on some level.

But anyway, I'm lazy at this moment so enjoy some pictures that I like:



Everyone should do this. Everyone.



What. Just what.


We should all play this. The whole world should willingly participate.



And now I'm bored. 

Seeya bucket-dwellers.

Well, that was fun

Thank you for that list of annoyances that I THOUGHT were going to be related and then last minute were not. They were excellent and, surprisingly, I agree with all of them.

I do not have a list of annoyances because everything annoys me.

Uhh so yeah. The last few weeks have been hell and they will be hell for a few more. I had two 24 hour work weeks in a row and this week was only 17, but it was spread across three days at 5:30 in the morning. I have insomnia or some shit so I haven't been sleeping, so that sucked. See, normally, thats not too many hours. Bearable, right?

bearable

But, uh, as I mentioned once, I am going to school full time and have had not only homework galore, but a shit ton of essays due and BAM exams, too. On top of that, I have been working on all the club stuff so, honestly, work has felt like a huge waste of time. Rachel makes fun of me and says that my club stuff isn't going to help me in the long run, but I sincerely beg to differ.

Anyways. So, just to update everyone (Rachel) on club stuff, heres whats been going on!

I had my Improv Night. It was a success by my school's standards and I am currently working with my panel to make it even better. Lights, music, more games, less audience participation, stuff like that. We are having weekly practices on Wednesdays. Otherwise known as the shittiest day of my week.

thank you i will. from the tears on my fucking face you stupid fucking bear.

So, my Wednesday's go like this:
12:00 - FPAC Meeting
12:30 - Improv Meeting while trying to find a friend to go to the SGA meeting to represent FPAC and also another friend to represent A Capella or we get no funding for either clubs
1:30 - Duo/Forensics practice. While my improv panel is still in the room being obnoxious assholes and Natalie is still there from FPAC and John joins us because hes lonely. So, a lot of people. Who, if I leave, still follow me.
2:30 - Class until 5:30
6:00 - A Capella Meeting
7:00 - Staying with all kids that don't have rides home yet to make sure they get a ride home
7:30 - Taking all those lost kids home including Bekah sometimes.

So, not a horrible day. Except, we can't get the theatre at 6 on Wednesday's right now so I have to text everyone, all 18 people, last minute and tell them where the fuck we are meeting. Which is stressful because NO ONE FUCKING RESPONDS TO ANYTHING I SEND THEM TO SAY THEY GOT IT OR EVEN A SIMPLE ACKNOWLEDGMENT SO THEY GET PISSY WHEN I RESEND THIS SHIT LIKE JUST FUCKING TELL ME JESUS TITS

i am so happy

So, thats my Wednesdays. Every. Week.

Today I am baking for the FPAC bake sale at tomorrow's talent show. Next week I have a tournament on Friday and Saturday. The following week I have off, too, for the Halloween Party which I am working the craft table of and so that we can go trunk-or-treating at the Drive-In. Rachel, you should come with us! Hopefully by then we will have a truck.

So, on top of all that, I also need to do homework, plan Improv Night for November (which takes a surprising amount of work to get structured), work on booking A Capella concerts and drum up interest, work on my duo with Bekah, my speech on fake gamer girls and why its icky to think that way, and my SDI from Welcome to Night Vale along with taking care of this stupid kitten.

Oh.
OH.
I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS KITTEN, OKAY?

THIS IS TUCKER. His eyes and face look much better than that, this is when he was still pretty sick.

I found Tucker outside of the gas station I work at. A lady approached me and said I looked like the only one that would care (turns out everyone cared, yes, but not enough to do anything about it) about this animal. He was blind and running around in traffic. So, I went outside, thinking it was the Feral Cats that attack me every morning when I pull in.

Well, halt the story for a second. They used to attack me. Now they meow happily and swarm my car. I walked out five hours later on Tuesday and there was a dead bird by my driver's side. I am terrified. Anyways.

So, hes running around and I click at him and he comes immediately to me. Happy, mewing, super excited someone is paying attention. Which is depressing because mom keeps reminding me that he is so friendly and comfortable around humans he probably kept approaching people for help and they ignored him.

So, my manager calls animal control and I stay out with this kitten. Customers bitch at me and tell me to make sure to wash my hands and to not touch "that disgusting animal". I tell them to fuck off. (not really).

Animal Control comes and I ask her straight out what will happen if he goes to a shelter. He has an upper respiratory infection and is most likely blind. He would be put down because of lack of funding and because the shelter is closed on Sundays, when I found him. I called my father and begged him to come get this kitten with the promise that I would find him a home in two weeks. He immediately says yes, probably because I am fucking crying because I am a big baby.

Dad and Mom (and Josh) come and get him, which was lucky because I ended staying at work an extra half-hour. My mom calls the vet and they tell us to put ointment in his eyes.

Well, mom books a vets appointment past the two week deadline. So, throughout this time, Tucker is exploring a lot. He climbs on my shoulder whenever I pick him up and for the first three days or so he sleeps most of the time. He won't eat anything except formula. Even then, it is in small amounts. And, he can't figure out litter pans, so he pees on the floor a lot. He also peed on my mother, but thats hilarious, so we forgave him.

We take him to the vet and the vet tells us that putting ointment in his eyes was actually wrong and we probably blinded him. Thanks, vet.

He sees a lot better now, though! He most likely will never regain full vision, so he is an indoor kitty. The vet prescribed something for the infection and something for his eyes. Tucker is doing much better! He is using the litter pans, especially my cat's litter pan, probably because he thinks Emma is his mama and smells her in it. He plays all the time! He still only eats formula, but has recently tried pasta because Albert is the only cat that tolerates him and shows him whats going on.

Alvin is jealous but nice to him, otherwise we yell and he gets pissy. He tried taking it out on Emma this morning. Walked up to her and smacked her in the face with no warning. She beat the shit out of him. Emma is terrified of Tucker, but thats okay. Tucker has his humans!

So, thats the Tucker story. He is a cutie and super sweet. He perches on your shoulder and really likes listening to Macklemore's Thrift Shop.

Thanks for listening!

A continuation...

Good morning my sweets. What a lovely frigid day (at least in my part of the world). How are you all? Bursting with excitement? Brilliant.

To continue on, probably much to the annoyance of the people who hated my last post, I bring you point #2:

People who use backed-up traffic to their advantage.

There is nothing like the dread and fuck-me-I'm-going-to-be-late-for-work feelings a person experiences when they see the brake lights and stopped traffic up ahead on a major highway or interstate. 

Ugh.

And truly, some of the biggest assholes come out to play during these days. 

I had the pleasure of getting stopped in traffic the other day. I was already pushing the envelope on my time to work (I'm good at that) and seconds after I hopped onto I-81, hoping to fly a cool 75 mph (the limit is 70 and 80 is reckless in VA) all the way to work, the Heavens decided to rend and spill gallons of Jesus' tears all over the place.

It was whiteout conditions. 

This - only worse.

People were pulling off the interstate or at least I think so. I wasn't exactly seeing shit. I couldn't even see the semi in front of me who was seriously right fucking there like seconds ago. I drastically dropped my speed so I wouldn't hydroplane or cause a horrible wreck. 

When the rain finally cleared and I could un-clench my hands from the steering wheel (seriously blind driving is not fun) I cruised maybe half a mile before - BAM - brake lights.

And thus I got stopped 2 exits away from my own (and let it be known that these 3 exits are all close together).

As I pulled off the road so the emergency vehicles could blow by me I sighed. Of course I'd get stuck in a traffic jam for a recent wreck.

Now this is where the assholes come in. Halfway between the exit I got stopped at and the next exit up road workers placed a sign clearly stating that all traffic needed to merge right because the left lane was completely blocked. For most people this should be a no-brainer - slow down where you are and turn on your blinker to merge over in a zipper fashion. Easy!

However, I got to witness Mr. and Mrs. Asshole Car and their dozen Asshole Car children. These are the people who ignore the sign and tear up the left lane like the devils chasing them, only to stop at the very last moment and jump over into the correct lane. 

This leaves people like me at the same interval, people who were 'next in line' already. But these specials dicks know they can jump a huge chunk of traffic if they act like stuck-up douche canoes and go for it.

Then you have the I CAN DO EXIT THINGS drivers who make the bumper strip their personal Autobahns. They speed up the bumper strip in hopes that they can squeeze off onto the nearest exit - and if not - merge right back into the fray. 

I'm not sure why these people piss me off so much. I mean, I'm going to be late anyway so it really shouldn't matter but damn it. I want to slash their tires with a machete every time.

WAIT YOUR TURN BITCHES!

3) People who do not heed emergency vehicles.

Are you fucking blind? Fucking pull off the road. Someone could be fucking dying and you're just impeding their help.

4) People who say 'try it, you'll probably like it'.

Bitches be wrong. With any new food comes analysis that isn't only taste. Food is a visual, tactile, and olfactory experience. If I think something looks like shit, feels like shit, or smells like shit I'm bound to not like it when I put it in my mouth - even if it is good. Our brain is funny shit like that.

Something irksome this way comes...

My dear little sunspots, aren't you all just so very precious. Kisses and hugs to everyone.

While being irked today at work, I came up with a few more things that drive me absolutely up the wall. In short, a few things that drive me fucking bonkers.

Bonkers! Wherever you, wherever you, wherever you areeeeee! Bonkers!

1) A completely hot button issue is now in effect for the duration of point number 1.

My first point revolves around the whole gun debate (say it ain't so). I'll give fair warning that I am more pro-gun than anti-gun, so if that pisses you off I suggest compensating by NOT reading.

It is my opinion (uh-oh OPINIONS) that guns should never be completely outlawed, only restricted. It's a belief that I shouldn't have to defend yet constantly am forced to. To do things a different way, let me demonstrate my view by rebutting the normal anti-gun spiel.

If you outlaw guns then the vast majority of America will no longer have guns.

Simply brilliant. Yes, that is true. If guns are outlawed then any registered gun owner will have to turn in their weapons or face legal action. However, there will still be a plentiful amount of 'bullet monsters' roaming the street. How many guns do you think have got 'lost in translation' over the years? How many unregistered weapons are still milling around? How many people have access to a gun that has been passed through so many people that no one truly has the original registration?

What about the black market? If cocaine can be trafficked, so can guns. And do you know who will be buying those guns? Could it be Barney the Dinosaur? Maybe Helga from Hey Arnold?

Nope. Most likely criminals. Shocking!

Well, that's what the police are for, right? 

Have you ever met a crooked cop? Would you be shocked to know they exist? Have you ever timed a cop's response time, that is, if you can even get access to a phone? One minute can make the difference.

So what, right? I mean, you'll have the odd stray gun, maybe some criminals, and a few crooked cops. That's better than everyone.

Well, what about those gunsmiths. Oh, didn't know they existed? Yes sir/ma'am they do, especially around VA and WV. I even know one personally. There are people who make their own guns and some never took one measly class. Good luck tracking them down.

So what again? I mean, now you just add on a few happy gun-making wackos. Whatever. Not a big deal.

Does anyone stop to wonder why we have such an uproar about this?

Let's get hypothetical now. Okay, all guns are outlawed. Only the stragglers, black market dealing criminals, cops, and military are in possession. The number is way down. Let's check out our crime rates dealing with gun violence. Are they starting to decline? Probs. Defs. Yep. Well, that's good. Now what?

Are home invasions, carjacking, robberies, etc. still happening. Certainly. After all, remember this children:

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, THEY ARE A TOOL PEOPLE USE TO KILL PEOPLE.

Lovely. Now, remember that police response time once more and tell me you'll be safe and cozy once that criminal breaks into your home. He doesn't have a gun now? Well, great! He won't shoot me! That's awesome. Problem is I don't have anything to outdo him either. Sweet.

You will always have the advantage in your own home.

Really now? I'm a woman and as much as I'd like to proclaim my awesome-sauceness I'm just that, a woman. Now, I'm not saying women are weak. I'm just saying that the probability of me outdoing a man is slim, even if I'm fighting for my family. I'm not exactly Bruce Lee here.

There are other weapons at your disposal: mace, knives, lamps, tasers, etc.

This is true; however, here's my problem. I'd have to get fairly close with mace. That isn't something I'd like to do near a brute of a man/woman, even if it's pitch dark in my house. Even if I managed to get him/her, well, then I'm going to have a lumbering blind idiot in my house who is now staggering towards me and probably swinging their arms (they probably will have a weapon too). Knives, lamps, tasers are all things that could not get me the chance I need. 

I don't want to kill anyone but get real. I have a boyfriend. I have a son. Why would I ever want to risk their lives by trying to subdue a criminal instead of simply ending said criminal? Taking away my gun would give me a disadvantage I wouldn't want. Disagree all you want.

You'll shoot your own family members. Statistics prove it more likely.

I wonder why. Could it be because you are statistically more likely to be around your family than an intruder? No really? Go on with your bad self! I never claimed that there weren't idiots in the world.

These are all rare circumstances. You'll most likely never need a gun.

Again. This is true. But shouldn't I have the right...just in case?

How about the government? I seem to remember something about people being allowed to overthrow a government is said government is no longer acting in the best interests of her people. Too bad that if it ever came to it we'd be defenseless.

I know this all just pointless drivel. I know the pro-gun and anti-gun side will never get along. I also know that any of my answers would be battled vehemently by an anti-gun believer.

Ah, it's lovely.

2) Well, I'll save this for tomorrow! :)