Countering Rachel's Counter and That Feel, Bro

Hello again, some-funny-insulting-sounding-list-of-things-that-make-you-human!

I am countering Rachel's counter!

Yo, Dawg, we heard you like counters.

I feel that the reasons why I am old are completely valid and the reasons Rachel is old are based completely on ridiculous things.

Also, those drink glasses had wobbly legs.

Reason 1 on how Rachel was old was how she has backpain. Yeah? Well I have severe ankle pain and every morning when I wake up the whole right side of my body is numb. Therefor, if pain and aches were an indication of age, I am older than you!

Reason 2 on how Rachel was old was how she drinks a lot of hot tea. Well, bitch, I have a tea pot just for heating up water for tea! I have a whole Tupperware container, those huge ass ones, filled with at least twenty different types of tea!

The ultimate tea slut is Lady Grey. What. A. Whore.

Reason 3 on how Rachel was old was how she rationalized topics. Sweetheart, hate the break it to you, but I've been doing that for years. Ain't called getting old, s'called getting mature.

We are all sad for you on that one.

QED.

"Have you ever been so happy to be holding an animal that your heart grows ten times its size that day and for some reason you can't contain it and your brain tells you the only way to truly show your affection is by crushing its body with your hug? This goes for people, too."

Countering Kelsey and That Feel Bro

I noticed co-blogger Kelsey complaining about her not-so-old age. Plueeeease!

Co-blogger Kelsey. Nice cupcake hat Sad-Legs.

Me:

Yes, my tits are fabulous. Kind of like roid-rage, only instead it is Gran-rage.

Okay, I kid...or do I?

Mostly unrelated. Bow servants! I'm being serious here.

Kelsey will indeed be turning 20 this fabulous 29th of May. We are very proud of her. She has survived her mother and for this we congratulate her.

However, she is not old (*cough* BABY *cough*). Just as she will be turning 20 this year, I will be turning 22. I can already feel the crippling arthritis in my hips. Cheers to my deteriorating body.

Drinks all around. Just don't leave them around me or you may be in for a roofie type surpise.

I'm sure you are all dying to hear my list, right? RIGHT? Holla if you hear me!

Numero Uno: I have a habit of waking up with severe back pain (the kind that will make you weep acid).

Why have you forsaken me, Mattress-God?

Numero Dos: I enjoy drinking hot tea...like a lot of hot tea. So much hot tea that my blood is now 99% caffeine and sin. Tea is made of sin, right?

Fucking whore. Tea-bagging all that innocent water...slut.

Numero Tres: I rationalize all topics now. This includes religion, politics, war, and your mom (sorry that was my dying inner child seizuring).

Q: What do you throw to an epileptic who is having a fit in the bath?

A: Your laundry.

I could probably go on and on, and copy a good deal of what Kelsey spoke of, but I won't because a lady does not discuss peeing.

I mean, who hasn't peed on one or two of these?

Just kidding about the lady behavior regarding inappropriate discussions.

So, That Feel, Bro?

"Do you know that feeling when you are sitting on the sidewalk watching a parade and your boyfriend hands you his drink so he can get some food from the house behind of you (family friend's house) and you are watching the floats go buy and suddenly get extremely thirsty so you start chugging down the drink in your hand only to realize it is Jack Daniels and Coke and you are designated driver for the night?

How did I fall for your tricks, red solo cup. I didn't even fill you up. I didn't want to have a party (and I won't proceed to). You aren't my friend.