Autocorrect and Spazzy Phones

My dear, dear Bucketsphere dwellers. What is it about autocorrect that makes life so fun?

Answer: everything.

So, Tyler's (aka Cherokee Thunder/Dances-with-Wolves) phone was being a dick yesterday. Spazzing and autocorrecting all his shit. Anyway, I give you a conversation between him and one of our sales reps, a rather attractive female rep:

Tyler types 'I'm at the loading dock' and hits send. His phone, in a blazing defiant moment of asshole sends 'I'm at the loading dick'. Tyler, immediately realizing his mistake types 'I'm so sorry' and hits send. His phone, not yet through with being a douche-rocket sends 'I'm so dirty'. Tyler frowns inside and decides that waiting might be the best option. It is.
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THE END
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Kelsey, I got a Tumblr like a while ago. Shut it. And why should I follow you? I don't know you.

I blew your mind. It's ancient history, like the pyramids baby.
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The whole world does not have a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch (from now on I will refer to him as Benecum - it's easier). For instance, Tyler does not. That is at least one person.
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Aw, you love me more than Benecum. That's coolio. 
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I have heard that they are remaking Sound of Music with Carrie Underwood. This. Fucking. Shatters. My. Soul.

What the fuck. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? WHAT the fuck? What THE fuck? What the FUCK? WHAT THE EFFIN' MOTHERFUCK?

Why the flying monkey tits would you cast a country singer as Maria? What the shit?

Carrie Underwood, while nice in her own way, is no fucking Julie Andrews. She should have turned that audition down. How disrespectful to the roll. I mean, really. What's next? Carrie Underwood as Mary Poppins? Chim-chimeny-motherfucker.

LOVE

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I'll trash the stuff you buy Liam. I'll be evil.

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No one reads this Kelsey. No one.

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I wouldn't laugh. I'm sometimes good inside. I want to be Kelsey's friend-book-reader-person.

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Gladiators are umpftastic.

Matthew Gray Gubler is the bomb.

....As is Josh Hutherson.

what

what.

WHAT.

WHATTTT?

WHEN DID YOU GET A TUMBLR? HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME? I LIVE ON TUMBLR. HOW DARE YOU. YOU SHOULD FOLLOW ME. FOLLOW MEEEEE. IM KENYAHP. FOLLOW ME. WE CAN POST STUPID STUFF AND TALK TO EACH OTHER AND BE FRIENDS.

WHAT.

THAT JUST BLEW MY FUCKING MIND IM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU'RE SO MEAN ABOUT TUMBLR WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING ANYMORE WHAT THE FUCK. THE FUCK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I do have a crush on Benedict Cumberbatch, but so does the whole world, so its okay. I have a bigger crush on you ;)

I think in one of his newest movies he plays a mentally challenged dude. And he sings a song he wrote to some relative that he's banging or something. I don't know. Everyone says it was heart-shattering.

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They are remaking SoM with Carrie Underwood. All my musically inclined friends are pissed. I am also pissed because I follow the crowd.

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I'll buy Liam whatever I please when I am rich. Maybe I meant one of those plastic ones, hmmm? The ones that little kids get? Hmmmm? HMMMMMM?

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If anyone is reading this, please comment. We are lonely.

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You'd laugh at my book. I actually think you'd like the character that is based off you. You'd hate the main character. You'd hate the male antagonist. You'd love a chick named Kayla that is a completely original character. She's ridiculous. You'll also love the twist I am introducing soon. But you can only guess what it will be.

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He is only a small part of the movie. But, yeah, I expected a beautiful romance and the whole movie was just so fucking sad.

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I disagree with all these hotties. Mainly because gladiators are not my thing.

Here's Kelsey's hottie countdown - Dorky nerd style.

1. Matthew Gray Gubler as Spencer Reid

2. Arthur Darvill as Rory Williams

3. Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mallark

you cant tell me hes not a dorky fucking dude. hes perf.

thats it. thats all i can think of. they are all that matter. shhh. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Stop. Kelsey is Hot and Bothered. Stop. Nuclear War. Stop.

Kelsey,

This is hilarious. You are absolutely hardcore crushing on him. So f'in bad. So very, truly, utterly bad.

To be perfectly honest, I never considered him ugly. Oh, not really. I just love fucking with you. You were so obsessed with him and Sherlock and him. Oh, and also him that I couldn't help it. You get so flustered when I make everything you like problematic and that is why our friendship is golden.

He's honestly not bad looking. And his voice could really stop wars, especially if he sang Hakuna Matata. Can he sing? Is there proof of that anywhere?

Guess what Kelsey? I totally have a Tumblr.

...And I totally follow random shit, including him.

~~~~I JUST FUCKING BLEW YOUR MIND DIDN'T I?~~~~

OMG, yes. Sound of Music is perfect and I'd love it more if Cracked.com didn't inform me that Christopher Plummer hated his role. Sad.
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Don't buy my son a car when he's 8. Even if you do hit the lottery. Just no.
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I'm fine. Thanks. I was just thinking about Super Troopers.
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Kelsey, why apologize. No one reads our blog. And if they do they should fucking comment. 
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I wouldn't laugh at your book. I want to know my character, or whatever character you kind-of-sort-of-not-really based off of me. I'm supportive like once every thousand years.
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I'm not watching that ever. That's fucking creepy. And it would remind me of Hard Candy and I'd get pissed off.
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I need a Hottie Count Down - Gladiator/Roman/etc Themed (any sexy war man really):

5) Daniel Feuerriegel portraying Agron in Spartacus: War of the Damned

4) David Wenham portraying Dilios in 300

3) King Leonidas portrayed by Gerard Butler in 300

That fucking body. Jesus fuck.

2) Spartacus portrayed by Liam McIntyre in Spartacus: War of the Damned

1) Thor play by Chris Hemsworth

That's war right?

stop

Talking about Benedict Cumberbatch is getting me unnecessarily hot and bothered. You should see him in Atonement. He plays a pedophile and hes really good at being unattractive and creepy. If that helps with your sudden obsession.

I am actually cracking up, readers, because not two months ago Rachel would yell at me and tell me he was the ugliest man alive and wouldn't let me talk about him or Martin Freeman at all. She would be so mean and make fun of me for being totally enthralled with his acting ability (and delicious appearance. I apologize to those involved with Cumberbatch that might google his name and stumble upon this. Really, I am sorry. I respect him a lot as a person and as a brilliant artist. But he is really hot, too.) and now she is more obsessed with finding out all this stuff about him than I am.

But its okay, Rachel. Its okay. You know why? Because you don't have a tumblr that follows blogs that specifically talk about him. I do. Mwahahahahahaha. Just...no one...browse my tumblr likes.

But, in all seriousness, I actually have all the pictures of Benny C in my likes because his facial expressions are perfect references for the story I am writing. While my main male character looks very little like Benedict, he is a goofy-approachable-adorable-yet-bamf kind of person that Benedict seems to be, so the facial expressions are perfect.

Actual face from an actual scene in Sherlock. I hope this helps, Rachel.

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Please track that movie down, yeah. While you're at it, buy Sound of Music so we can force Tan to watch it.

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mine too :( Don't worry. I will be rich one day with my talk show and I will buy us awesome stuff and Liam will have all sorts of cool things (like a car when he is 8) from his doting aunt and Tyler will probably be ignored but he can join us on vacations!

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u ok?

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That picture makes me feel much better. In a "why can't I be famous and dating Benedict Cumberbatch" kinda way. Or at least "why can't I be famous and be allowed just one conversation with Benedict Cumberbatch so I can tell him how much of an inspirational and wonderful man he is" because that could lead to nice stuff.


Sorry to anyone reading our blog. So sorry.

Unrelated, but I kinda enjoy, Rachel, that you are loosening up about Benedict. The fact that you so easily admit that you've changed your mind on him makes me believe that some day you won't judge me harshly for the book I'm writing ;) lol jk you'll still be mean about it which is why you can never read it.

Benedict Cumberbatch as a pedo.

How Dare I?

Kelsey, this is quickly becoming a chat room between the two of us. We just keep responding to each other rather than the population of zero people who read our stuff.

Good thing I went to college for a bit to learn how not to plagiarize just so I could take these pictures without giving credit where do.

Yay.

How dare I? HOW DARE I? I DARE WELL LADY. SO DARE DO I DARE THAT I DARE AS OFTEN AS YOU DON'T DARE. DARE SAY THAT I'M A DARE QUEEN?

Fine lady. Blah, blah, blah ladies and cast and blah.

BLAH.

And Star Trek Voyager? Oh ick. That one is the worst. 

I bet you just watch it because of Janeway. Urk. Gross.

The Original Series is where it's at. Followed closely by The Next Generation.

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I was unaware that he was ginger. Does he have a soul?

But no, really, very handsome in actuality. He's that unconventional handsome. Like not really fitting that Hollywood image, yet still incredibly handsome to the ladies.

It has got to be his voice. Seriously. He'd just have to say 'suck it' in his deep bedroom voice and one million knees would hit the ground so hard that patellas would be shattered. ER's would be overrun with what would come to be termed as Cumberbatch Knees. (Ho-ho-ho!)

With a motherfucking baby, Kelsey.

This lady explains perfectly why he is attractive:

http://www.heroesandheartbreakers.com/blogs/2013/04/a-batch-of-cumberbunnies-an-explanantion-of-benedict-cumberbatchs-sex-appeal

And thus coins the new term cumbergasm. L-O-fucking-L.

Fuck you Kelsey. You are getting me obsessed. The more I read about him the more I'm fascinated. God damn it.

Here's a real quote from him: “I’m always cast as sort of slightly wan, ethereal, troubled, intellectuals or physically ambivalent bad lovers. I’m here to tell you I’m quite the opposite in real life. I’m a fucking fantastic lover.”

Fucking hell.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2013/05/23/benedict-cumberbatch-shower-scene-star-trek/

Kelsey, I hate you. So very much. This was not supposed to happen. I blame you. I blame you hard.

This is a necessity:

That makes it slightly more bearable.

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I'm definitely going to track that movie down. I believe it's from 1958? I don't know. But it's fabulous, old-time sexism shit aside. And Howard Keel's singing. Umpf!

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I didn't win Powerball. My life is officially over.

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I'LL FIND THEM. YES, YES, YES, YES! FIND THAT MOTHERFUCKER NOW! RIGHT MEOW!

You stop that laughing right meow. What's so funny meow boy?

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I don't like guinea pigs. I was just thinking of stuff. Leave me be! I'd make money off those fuckers. So much money would I make!

Has nothing to do with anything.

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I obviously posted those so you would cry inside. I found them hilarious in a 'How Backwards Are We?!!! kind of way.

Here:

Shush now.

how dare you

HOW DARE YOU. THE LADIES ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS YOU ASSHAT. THEY ARE THE ONES TELLING THE STORY. THEY ONLY BECOME THE SUPPORTING PEOPLE WHEN FUCKING MOFFAT TAKES OVER BECAUSE HES A SEXIST PIG.

THE LADIES RUN THAT SHIT HOW DARE YOU.

No, I mean I like the show. I watch the one with the lady captain every sunday morning while getting ready for work. I'm not saying I'm a fan, I don't think I've earned that title, but I will willingly watch the show!

Did you know hes actually a ginger? Be still my heart.

As I've said before, Benedict took the role because the fucking people in charge of star trek were dumb and weren't offering enough money for the role. So the other three people, all hispanic, that they asked said no because of it. If the stupid fucking people weren't stupid, you might have seen a delicious bronzed strong-man!

However, Benedict, I believe, despite taking the role for shit money and KNOWING he was going to put up with people's bitching, still did a wonderful job. And I am glad you are at least coming around to appreciating that he is a good actor. He is kinda my role model right now.



I fucking love Stockholm syndrome. I need to see this movie, apparently. I was sincerely doubting that they were kidnapped when you named them and then I saw that indeed they were. Sad.

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I will win the lottery. Good call. I'll win for the both of us.

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FIND THEM FIND THEM FIND THEM ILL FIND THE ONE OF THE SEXY BEARDED MAN WITH THE FISHNETS IF YOU DO

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that sounds adorbs. but you dont like guinea pig??

look at him smiling ahhhhhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Also thanks for those ads those pissed me off SO FUCKING BADLY WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT I HATE YOU PEOPLE NOW I NEED ANOTHER PICTURE OF BENNY C SO I DONT HATE MY DAY

awww yeah thats the stuff

Old Vintage Adds

Kelsey, could you imagine if these fuckers were still in print?

SERIOUSLY?! OMFG. Vintage ads are so fucking sexist.