Its been like four months

Hallo!

No, that is not terrible spelling. That is the German word for hello! True fact! I assume!

This is Kelsey, for those of you interested!

To start off...Rachel, what delightful posts you have created in the past. I especially enjoy this one and will follow suit with randomicityoscity.

I have 20 of these. I line them up and make a bed.

Eventually we will do a hot topic Friday. But, for today, I will follow Rachel's lead and format!

Random Topic #1: Five Random Facts About Myself 

1. I am currently going to college for my third year of failing horribly.

This is what college students do not look like. They aren't tired enough.

2. I am attempting to reread books from when I was 14 and also failing horribly.

These books are amazingly well written but are BORING TO A 20 YEAR OLD.

3. I can cook, actually, just never do because my mom is better.

My favorite food.

4. I dyed my hair blonde recently, yes, and it came out more orangish.

Its this exact color.

5. I am currently starving.

this is all I want right now. omgomgomg.

Random Topic #2: Five Random Facts about Rachel

 
 1. Rachel is freakishly tall and needs to stop it. Her bf, however, is taller and I hate them both.

2. She recently cut her hair after dying it black.

She looks like this, only she is white.

3. Rachel never gets angry in real life but is a very angry driver.

She yells at these things as if they can hear her and move.

 4. When we were in middle school she ignored me in the hallways. I forgive her.

5. We used to be really into Naruto and she spent like three days at my house watching it with me.

Random Topic #3: Idiots treating me like dirt at my job

 You can't go wrong with a job theme! I work at a convenience store gas station fast food kinda thing place thing. Idiots think this gives them the right to treat me like dirt. Rachel has a real job so doesn't always understand, but it kinda sucks. I stand there for 6 hours without a break because I'm the bottom of the food chain for breaks and some idiot wants to come complain at me about something stupid like our company changing our coffee creamers? I don't give a fuck! Then some dicks like to bark orders at me like I'm their slave.

Me: "Hi, how are you, sir!"

Fucktard: "GIVE ME TWO PALLMALL ORANGE 100S". 

Me: "Thats a really specific thing to be today, sir!"

Recently an old man came in and asked me for a carton of Winston Gold 100's. I moved our cigarette cases around because our cartons are right behind them.  We had five cartons of Gold Shorts, but no 100's, so I asked the man to wait for just a second while I check in the back. Eureka! There was a goldmine of Gold 100's back there and I happily brought him his carton. Only to find him glaring meanly at me and being snarky. I politily asked him what the problem was and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is there a problem, sir?

Dickface: Yeah, there is. You wasted my time running to the back to get these fucking cigarettes when there are five cartons of them right fucking there!

Me: I'm sorry, sir, but those are not 100's, those are shorts. You asked me for 100's.

Dickface: I'm not fucking blind, I've smoked these my whole life. Those are fucking 100's and you wasted my time. Look, they are right there!

Me: Sir, I am looking. I'm sorry I wasted your time, but those are definitely the shorts.

Dickface: Whatever, learn to do your fucking job.

Manager: Whats the problem, sir?

Dickface: This little girl wasted my time going in the back to get Winston Gold 100's when they are right fucking there is the problem! You need to hire people that actually fucking look.

Manager: Sir, those are the shorts. Here, let me show you. We don't have any 100's stocked out here currently, only shorts.

Dickface: I've smoked these my whole life!

And then he walked away grumbling. This kinda thing happens every time I work. Cigarettes are bad kids, mkay?

WHOOPS BET YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THIS.

Random Topic #4: Fucking Mitt Romney

No. Just no. Ugh. NO.

 Random Topic #5: Better Hotties of the Week

1. Nicki Minaj

2. Emma Stone

3. Emma Watson

4. Dianna Agron

 5. Anne Hathaway

Random Topic #6: My Plans for the Future

Welp. This one is simple. I plan on finishing up a short story for a Christmas Gift, doing school stuff, and rewriting Character Analysis on my DNA Resister Characters. Thats a book I am writing, you guys. Hopefully, with Rachel's permission, I can post some of the character outlines, short entries about them, and even some of the book's first and second chapter.

I'm whipped though, so I need her permission.

And that's all, folks! Thanks for reading!

Are you random?

Hello all (that includes you Satan; also you, Jesus)!

Today is Friday! For this we are grateful. Let us all take a moment to bow down to our God.

And God said, "Let there be sex!"

Not your God you say? That is disgusting of you all ! Heretics! I say, "Shun the Non-Believer! I am without sin, so I will cast the first stone!"

Anyhoodlydoodly (creative licensing, AKA the ability to make shit up), I am cheerfully counting down the hours until the weekend. This week has gone on way too long and it must be vanquished. There can 'nary be a rested soul long as the Friday eats the heart of men.

The monster Friday, maybe you've heard of it?

Today is one of those days where you don't know what to do or what to say. I certainly have no clue what to excite you with (the batteries are dead in the mind-vibrator).

So...my only hope is being as random as the conversation spouting from the mouth of a Tourettes sufferer. 

Random Topic #1: 5 More Facts About Myself

1. I am on a M*A*S*H spin right now, and am obsessively watching the show.

Ah, nothing like death and destruction to bring out the awesome in you.

2. I can't cook to save my life. I burn pancakes, overcook spaghetti, and just pretty much fail.

A woman who can't cook? Absurd!

3. I took 6 years of Spanish and am still an incompetent idiot regarding the language.

4. My car is named Billie Jean California. Yes, I know it is a stupid name.

My car is a fucking purr-machine on the scale of 'car to my tires are cats who are afraid of water'.

5. I feel like a bad-ass when 'Fuel' by Metallica comes on while I'm driving (I'm not sure if this is normal).

Random Topic #2: 5 Facts About Kelsey

1. Kelsey is short. So very, very short. The type of short where capris become pants.  

I should have known this was you, Kelsey. You murderous midget.

2. Kelsey is one sexy ass mama. 

3. Kelsey has blond hair. 

Pretty much sums her up.

4. Kelsey is a great listener. We sometimes even agree on things!

5. Kelsey has a car named Dante. Dante is sad, almost as sad as Billie.

He's a fucking devil.

Random Topic #3: Idiots Applying for Jobs

The company I am working for is hiring warehouse personnel and drivers. All of these positions require a copy of a current and good-standing driving record. We stated this in the advertisement and reiterated the significance when each applicant came in. So tell me, why did we have a man apply with a driving record of -6 points? These points coming from such lovely incidents such as a DUI, driving under a suspended license, going 30-35 over the current speed limit, and failure to obey a traffic signal? Tell me why this person applied when he told me clearly that he had a felony record.

And he isn't the only one! I understand that the job market is hard and that people are looking for jobs. But really?

'Nuff said.

Random Topic #4: The Best Thing In The World

Today, the best thing in the world (in my opinion, but really, my opinion is the only one that matters) is my hatred of Mitt Romney.

Shut your whore-mouth, Romney, you underhanded piece of filth.

Random Topic #5: Addiction

I'm sorry to say I have an addiction, an addiction to Krave.

Fuck you Kelloggs. Stop trying to make me even fatter. 

Random Topic #6: Hottie of the Week

I believe a hottie of the week is in order. Of course, the men I find attractive are vastly different from the men Kelsey finds attractive. 

To make up for lost time, I'll give you five.

1. Chris Pine

2. Shamar Moore

3. Dermot Mulroney

4. James Marsden

5. Alan Rickman (I know, I'm a freaking weirdo)

Random Topic #6: The End

My inspiration is dry today (obviously the reason for my lack of originality and humor).

So I fare thee well, or whatever, and hope everyone has a luscious weekend.

Toodles!

Just kidding about the gnomes, Kelsey.