Far too long since I last regaled you with the fascinating tales of my life. Far too long since I've made you swoon. Far too long since I've been crude to you.
Alas, times goes by much too quickly. And since I have the memory of a rock, I forget the Bucket Sphere even exists.
For shame!
Fuck you Rachel!
And so I bring you the joyous news of my pregnancy. Yes I, Rachel, am going to be a first time mother. What?????!!!!
Holy shit! Something like this is growing in me!
I am in absolute shock over this. I wasn't trying for a child, but succeeded anyway. Seriously, it's not a competition body!
I'm a ball of nerves and I keep thinking ridiculous things like: what if it dies? how will I afford this? what if my man and I fuck up? what if? what if? what if?
My OBGYN has given me a list of a fucking thousand do's and don'ts, and how do I follow? So many vitamins. So many appointments. So many people to tell.
My father? Took it well. Friends? Also well. Boss? As well as can be. Coworkers? Excited. Mother? Doesn't know yet (since I just found out this morning). Grandmother? Never knowing ever if I can help it. She is a grade-A Bible thumper.
6-weeks. 6-fucking-weeks. A month and a half of baby growing. I'm going to be a mother. I'm going to be a fucking mother. I'm going to pop a child out of my hoo-ha. Noooooo.....!!!
Questers, please make this baby awesome. I couldn't stand an un-awesome baby.
And thus, this is where I leave you. Maybe more posts later!!! And not about babies!!!...(necessarily).
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