Lady, seriously...

It is with utmost pleasure that I inform the Bucketsphere of Kelsey's complete foolishness. Yes, indeed.

Kelsey, your previous post really, truly, etc. makes me not give two flying monkey poos about Doctor Who. Your description makes it sound so incredibly boring and ridiculous that I'd sooner shoot myself in the eye with semen. That shit hurts like a mother.  

Strong female characters? Eh, who cares. I don't watch shows for the supporting characters....usually. Penelope Garcia is an exception, but even without her I'd have Derek Morgan so....

Holy shit, yes!

And Spencer Reid...

Fuck yes.

Yes, Rachel gives absolutely no fucks about female cast members.

And you like Star Trek? As in, not just the movie with Benedict 'Unfortunately Named' Cumberbatch?

Is it because of Chris Pine?

Can we get a fire extinguisher in here?

Because he is a total sex-pot. As was William in the day.

But I'm partial to...

Because I LOVE both of them to the extreme.

And for the record Kelsey. This is the vast Khan difference:

Take off your shirt Benedict. We need to compare pectorals.

Let the record show that Rachel officially (having re-watched Into Darkness about 10 times) kind of supports the Benedict Cumberbatch 'Khan'. He did better than I expected, although I'm still disappointed he wasn't half-naked, bronzed, and Hispanic.

*Sigh* Ricardo Montalban...

Two Weeks With Love (1950) - a movie where Jane Powell (lady above) become infatuated with Ricardo Montalban (also above) and is pissed because she cannot yet wear a corset (such a baby!). So she whines and cries and drops the 'stop treating me like a child' card until daddy buys her one. But her daddy is an idiot and buys a corrective corset thus causing her to get locked into an uncomfortable position. And then she can't breath. It really is good fun for all. 

Moral of the story? "If you whine enough for something it will come true, yet it will make karma kick your ass".

Speaking of old movies (were we really?) I have an extreme itch to see Seven Brides for Seven Brothers again. Also staring Jane Powell. This sexy movie is about Jane marrying a man, actor Howard Keel. 

This man. His singing voice is God. (This is from Calamity Jane). Tyler.

There. Look at that mustache. 

He needs himself a wife to tend to the house and take care of his six brothers (mostly named for Bible characters).

Let me just list the names of these characters because Jesus:

Main man - Adam

Main woman - Milly

Brother #1 - Benjamin

Brother #2 - Gideon

Brother #3 - Frank

Brother #4 - Caleb

Brother #5 - Daniel

Brother #6 - Ephraim

Kidnapped Woman #1 - Dorcas

Kidnapped Woman #2 - Alice

Kidnapped Woman #3 - Sarah

Kidnapped Woman #4 - Liza

Kidnapped Woman #5 - Ruth

Kidnapped Woman #6 - Martha

FUCKING BEAUTIFUL NAMES. Here are the brothers:

The sex.

When his brothers see what those weird women-folk can do, they want to get married too. So they clean up and go to a spring/summer picnic-dance thing. 

 

Everyone does this at picnics, right?

Well, those boys are smitten from the start. So they do what any respectable smitten man would do. They start courting those lovely ladies.

These ladies.

Oh wait, no. They kidnap them from the safety of their homes in the dead of night. And since it's winter, the pass leading to their house caves in with snow. Thus these poor, kidnapped women are forced to stay until the snow starts to melt in spring.

But no worries, this story has a happy ending. All of those kidnappers get tried and hanged.

Oh, wait again. I'm sorry. Let me correct myself. The women fall deeply in love with their choice of kidnapper and they have a mass wedding.

STOCKHOLM SYNDROME...anyone?

The moral of the story? "Women are objects and will marry you if you hold them hostage long enough".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back from my tangent:

Kelsey, your car sounds extremely unhealthy. Win the lottery and buy a new one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll have to find the drawings again. But I assure you that I'll post them if I remember.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guinea chin is a chinchilla and guinea pig. I'M NOT VERY CREATIVE! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you are wrong for reasons

Doctor Who is broken into two categories: Classic and New. The New ones start with the ninth doctor and the companion, Rose Tyler, tells the back-story. So, unless you WANT to watch classic who, there is no point. Classic has the first seven doctors and then the eighth doctor had a movie in the 90s, but they are all technically the SAME MAN. Geez. Also, the lady companions are amazing. Rose Tyler is my favorite, but with the first showrunner we also had Martha Jones, a black bamf lady that was studying to be a real doctor and saved the fucking world and Donna Noble, a crash red headed also bamf lady that yelled a lot and was literally titled THE MOST IMPORTANT WOMAN IN THE WORLD. But Rose will always be my favorite because she was clever, charming, beautiful, bad ass, fucking amazing, and perfect. PERFECT.

Beyond that, the crappy graphics in the New dw are only for the first episode or so and then they figured out it was here to stay and it got a bigger budget.

Also I like star trek so we aren't opposites? I just haven't watched it. Also also, the new doctor who has better graphics than any of the star treks so you leave me alone. ALSO ALSO I sometimes forget dw is scifi because I'm too busy crying. I cry a lot.

these are the only three that matter until capaldi becomes the new doctor

~~~~
Did I tell you that my entire engine moves when I shift gears? Thats what that noise is. My engine LIFTS AND MOVES when I shift gears. But I am super happy you paid your car offfff!

~~~~
please scan and post them please for the love of god please

~~~~


hey. hey fuck you. fuck. you.

what is a fucking guinea chin.



Also yes.

futterwacken indeed

Kelsey Dear....

Ugh. No. I may drag myself to watch Sherlock.

Do you know that if you spend long enough looking at him he is absolutely terrifying?

Maybe.

But I absolutely refuse to watch Doctor Who. Yuck. Can you say pure crap graphics and too many Doctors? Because I certainly can. Because I live in 'Merica and I speak 'Merican.

Seriously. Too many. And every time there is a new doctor all I see on Facebook is 'WHINE. WHINE. NAG. NAG. NAG. NOOOOOOO. HE WAS MY FAVORITE. OOOOHHHHH. NEW DOCTOR. YAYAYAYAYAY!'.

That may or may not have been a little exaggerated all things considered. 

But I do hear a ridiculously obscene amount of jabber regarding Doctor Who. I can do without.

No ma'am, I'll keep my Sci-Fi limited to StarTrek. We can be opposites on this, like everything else. 

*Le sigh*

Don't judge me. I feel completely justified in my affection towards older men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But Kelley, for real. Can you believe I finally paid off my hunk of junk? Just in time for the inevitable break down. Yay!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I keep finding those Mr. Mace drawings from high school. They are still utterly fabulous. I'm tempted to scan and post them.

Only a little tempted though. Just a wee bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now (because I most certainly can) random questions!

1) Do you have any pets?

Yes, I have a Siberian husky and lab mix named Wahya.

2) How tall are you?

5' 7"

3) If you were the Ruler of the World what laws would you make?

Oh, quite a few I'd imagine. Such as harsher punishments for rape and murder. I'd crack down on bullies, racists, sexists, homophobes and their ilk. I'd most likely abolish the death penalty seeing as our judicial system isn't perfect (see: corruption). But I'd work that fucker out. 

Of course I'd make all workplaces accept tattoos and piercings, as those are not things to be penalized. I'd enforce a mandatory pajama day every Monday workday because fuck the Mondays. 

Parking in a handicapped spot without proper markings and parking like a plain asshole will be punishable by extreme (and upheld) fines. No joking fuckers.

There would be no more of this fucking bullshit regarding transsexuals using the 'proper' bathroom. A parent would not be able to send their child to gay camp or force them to see a psychiatrist for the sole fact that they want them to change. Not happening bucko.

But yes, those are some things I'd do. And I'd be fucking loved by all you motherfuckers.

4) If you were a superhero what powers would you have?

Most likely everything, duh. But no. Um, something unique obviously. 

Got it. I'd totally be able to control any situation with my voice. Bunch of assholes? Bam, just speak sarcastically and their heads will explode. Need to break up a fight? Start signing Hakuna Matata and BAM MOTHERFUCKER! I just created World Peace.

Seriously. World. Peace.

5) And your hero name?

Sassylass. Done. That is now trademarked assholes. 

6) And outfit?

Perfect. Sassylass.

That's the fantastic and gorgeous model Ophelia-Overdose (http://ophelia-overdose.deviantart.com/)

7) Are you a good lover?

I feel as though answering that would be pretentious. Like YES I'M AWESOME. MORE AWESOME THAN ANYTHING EVER. I'D KNOW BECAUSE I OFTEN JUST DO MYSELF.

But is all seriousness, I totally give blow-jobs all the time. Like all the time. I also give anal. In fact, I'm pretty cool with most things. 

Come on, subject me. Make me your little slut.

Ahem!

8) What is your favorite holiday?

Oh my, probably a toss up between 4th of July and Halloween.

9) What's your favorite zoo animal?

Red Panda. Hands down.

10) What's your favorite alcoholic drink?

Well gee, this is tough. Of all time? Just one? St. James, Cranberry Wine is fucking delicious....but so is Piesporter, Goldtropchen Riesling. But so is Yuengling Lager. And then again, so is Jack Daniels and Coke. And also, Piña Coladas. Urgh.

NO COMMENT.

11) Do you want children?

Ha! A little too late for that one there.

12) Are you religious?

Kind of the opposite really.

13) Are you any good at pool?

No, no I'm not and every time I try to learn I just piss Tyler off. Apparently I am one hard son-of-a-bitch to teach. 

14) What's the highest you've ever jumped into water from?

Oh...I'd say 30-40 feet? Rough estimate honestly. We were kind of swimming in a quarry where we weren't supposed to be.

Like dis.

15) Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Yep. 2 months and 2 days ago when I had my little man.

16) Have you had any brushes with the law?

Speeding. Most definitely that.

But also physically (ooh-la-la). One time (okay several) I totally hugged a family friend who happens to be this awesome-sauce cop. So I kind of brushed up against his Kevlar vest and also his gun, taser, and mace. 

Doesn't that usually get people taint-slapped?

17) Have you ever done something heroic?

Um, I cried once when my grandfather killed a harmless baby garden snake. That's heroic, right?

18) How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. Unless you count Tyler, then two. 

19) What do you wear to bed?

Preferably nothing. But if my legs are prickly I wear pants. I hardly ever wear a shirt. I'm sure my neighbors love that considering the nursery has yet to get curtains (we just moved).

20) Have you ever fired a gun?

Oh yes. I quite spectacularly missed the clay pigeon with the shotgun. Something about not aiming for the pigeon but ahead of the pigeon. Blah, blah, blah.

21) What's your favorite 'clean' word?

Mr. Clean?

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

or

Sacrosanct

or 

Genuflect

22) What's your favorite 'dirty' word?

Oh, we meant clean as in not inappropriate. Got it. 

Now dirty...

Fuck.

Duh.

23) What's your least favorite word?

My friendship with Kelsey.

Oh, word not sentence.

Well then...

Kelsey.

24) What football team do you support?

Houston Texans

25) Do you have any scars?

My wounded heart. And where I lost my arm in 'Nam.

26) If you could breed two animals today to defy the laws of nature what new animal would you create?

A Sugarroo. Or maybe a Guinea Chin. You figure it out.

27) How long could you go without talking?

NOT LONG.

28) What's your favorite joke?

I'm partial to this at the moment:

Q - "How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

A - "None. They only screw the poor."

Har-dee-har-har. No offense to the good Republicans I know.

29) What's your favorite accent?

Australian.

30) What's your favorite saying?

Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?

Alice: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

FUTTERWACKEN

RESPONSENOANSFODASDFN

Sherlock is kinda BAMFy, but not as much as John. Thats why the episode with Adler is my fave, because Sherlock shows his hardcore side. Hes not a pussy.

Well.

Okay, sometimes he is, but only because I'm comparing him to John.

I love Rupert Graves' voice! Its not super deep, but its like slightly gravelly and great. Ughughugh. He is kinda funny and sarcastic in this version. Most versions have him being all "ugh I hate sherlock kinda not really but i do" and in this version hes tentatively a friend. Or at least considers himself one. Kinda. Hes super sarcastic though and I love him.


I don't think Liam and Tyler will let you have her, sadly. I also don't know who that is.

Shes a bombshell though!

Nah, you don't gotta watch SPN. I think you'd like Doctor Who though...

It has pretty ladies that are super strong characters...at least until Moffat takes over as show-runner. Thats why the ladies in Sherlock aren't overly strong and developed characters. Moffat is the show-runner. Ugh.

Anyways. Sherlock and Doctor Who. Both British. Both Brilliant. Both you need to watch.

kk byes

Answering Kelsey's Nonsense

Kelsey. Ugh. Don't be crass. It is so unbecoming of a lady.

You say Peenis, fine. Be problematic. I don't care!

I'm not sure why you expect me to take your word that Sherlock is 'amaze-balls'. Do we truly ever agree on shows/movies/anything?

Answer: NO. (Okay. Sometimes.)

Dickier is not a word. However, if you insist.

For real. Not a word.

As for a BAMF Dr. Watson, I can certainly dig that. Is Sherlock full of BAMFness too? Or is he the pussy of the show?

Na na na na na na na na BAMF-man!

I concur with you regarding Lestrade - very hott. But how is the character? The voice? DETAILS MOTHERFUCKER!

Gross with the girl. What do you take me for? Bisexual? Who have you been talking to!?!?! Besides, I can do better.

Not Sherlock, but who cares?

Do you think that Tyler and Liam would let me have her?

I can sum your post up easily. Let me try. Ahem.

MY NAME IS KELSEY AND I LOOOOOVVVVEEE (WITH A CAPITAL EVERYTHING EVER!) SHERLOCK. YUM. YUM. ALL THE ACTORS. I'D BLOW THEM ALL. ALL. OF. THEM. EVEN THE GIMPY ONE (Is there a gimpy one?). AND ESPECIALLY THE CASTING DIRECTOR. RACHEL. WATCH. RACHEL. WATCH. RACHEL. COME TO THE SHERLOCK SIDE OF LIFE. THEN SUPERNATURAL.

Right?

 

Kelsey, for real. I miss you. Why is adult life so adult-like?

Umm

Peenis, not everlark. Peenis. Its funnier, you assbutt.

Also, Sherlock is amazing. Its a modern retelling of the ACD canon. With a dickier Sherlock (similar to House's Sherlock character...but not quite as...dickish. The canon didn't have Sherlock as a dick, just socially awkward sometimes.) And a total BAMF John Watson.

And the hottest fucking Greg Lestrade in the world.This is Rupert Graves, by the way.

Oh, and Laura Pulver as Irene Adler, a dominatrix and surprisingly not a sexist portrayal of one. She is a bamf, as well, and looks good doing it.

She is only in one episode, sadly.

I kinda wanna put a picture of most of the cast. They are all wonderful actors and actresses and I love the casting director for this damn show. Ughhhh. Such. Good. Portrayals.

Although, Moffat isn't my favorite writer, Mark Gatiss is always A+. He plays Mycroft Holmes, is a part of the writing portion, and has also written for Doctor Who. Yesss!

You'll love it. Hopefully. Or at least like it. Sherlock's social awkwardness, bad attitude, surly nature, and slow burn that he thinks he is hiding from John for John is amazingly funny. John Watsons badass everything is perfect. The plot moves well, its suspenseful, and you really get a feel for the characters because of the cast's amazing acting skills.

I am cry.